How to Establish Yourself as An Authority When You Don’t Like Tooting Your Own Horn

INTRO: After generating over a million dollars in sales and selling one of her businesses with a single email, your host, Kathryn Thompson, takes an unconventional approach to marketing and sales. So if you're ready to tap into a more powerful way to be seen, heard, and a sought after entrepreneur in your industry, without having to spend endless hours marketing your business and chasing clients, you're in the right place. Be The Sought After Entrepreneur Podcast is here to help you ditch the cookie cutter, one size fits all approach to marketing and use your unique energy to effortlessly attract the most aligned clients. When you do this, You can spend less time marketing your business and more time doing your soul work and enjoying the richness of your life. Welcome to Be The Sought After Entrepreneur Podcast. And here's your host, Kathryn Thompson.

Kathryn Thompson: Hey, hey, super stoked that you're tuning in this week's episode. I cannot wait to dive in today's [00:01:00] topic because I'm going to be answering a question that I received from a client of mine inside of Spellbound. And it's not the first time I've been asked this question.

It's It's honestly a topic of conversation that usually comes up with the work that I do with soulful entrepreneurs, coaches, healers, practitioners. And the question is, is how do I establish myself as an authority when I'm a soulful entrepreneur? I don't really like tooting my own horn. I'm not really like that hype energy that you might see in a lot of like influencers and popular leaders and names and that sort of thing.

And anytime a client asks me a question, the first thing I, always do is try to get to the belief behind the question. Like, why are you asking that question in the first place? We all have beliefs that drive our thoughts, emotions, and actions. And when we start to sort of pose these questions, there's usually a belief behind it that's driving that question.

And oftentimes, the belief behind a question like that is, who do I need to be in order to [00:02:00] establish the authority? And the doubt that you can be yourself, right? Who do I need to be when I don't like to toot my own horn, and I don't really want to show up in that hype energy, and I don't want to do X, Y, and Z, right?

Because I'm this way. I'm an introvert, or I'm more soulful, or I'm more soft spoken, or I tend to lead from behind. I don't want to be the center of attention. These, again, are all sort of beliefs that drive the question or drive the doubt or drive the contemplation of I can't actually be introverted, I can't actually be soulful, I can't actually be soft spoken and be taken seriously, professionally, you name it.

And if you're in the online space and you're an online coach, healer, practitioner, whatnot, establishing some type of authority amongst your people. is a great way, obviously, to build that, like, know, like, and trust. But as you know, I'm going to give you a completely counterintuitive [00:03:00] approach to authority building in general.

Because for me, authority building in general is actually this hierarchical thing, right? I'm the authority, I'm the guru, I'm somebody you should listen to. Versus the guide, the illuminator, The expander, the thought leader that's like, Hey, I have a different perspective and I'm just inviting you to open, expand into that perspective.

Two very different energies there, right? And so a lot of people that I work with are soulful, selling the invisible. They want to do things differently. They want to go against the grain and therefore, A lot of traditional ways that we've done it don't quite fit or don't fit for them. And yet there's this conditioning and belief that we have to be a certain way in order for people to take us seriously, to see us as the authority, to see us as the leader, to see us as the one that they want to work with, yada, yada, yada.

Right. And. I'm here to remind you that you [00:04:00] actually can be who you're here to be on this planet and be taken quote unquote seriously if that's the label that you want to sort of attach to it. But what I pose back to my client and what I want to pose to you today on this podcast is what is being an authority actually mean to you?

And how does that actually make you feel in terms of being authority? Like what does an authority? What does that stand for for you? Like what, when you look around at people in your world, who do you sort of look to as like, wow, I'm really inspired by that person? Because oftentimes their characteristics and who they are and how they show up in the world is actually a way, the way in which you naturally show up in the world to some degree as well.

You're drawn to that person for a reason. And It doesn't necessarily have to be, you know, again, these big name leaders. It could literally be somebody in your local community. It's [00:05:00] like who, who inspires you and what sort of characteristics, what values, how do they move through the world and just observe that.

And then check in with yourself and go, does this align with my values? Does this align with how I want to move through the world? And I want to give you some examples that again, not from like sort of a judgmental place, but when I think of people like Tony Robbins or Rachel Hollis, you know, those sorts of people don't really captivate me, but they captivate a lot of people.

And the reason they don't captivate me is because of the energy in which they exude. And again, not from a bad place. I think they're great people. I think they. You know, they're mission driven. They've got their things going on, all of those sorts of things. They've built widely successful businesses. But when I think about like going to a Tony Robbins event and being in Tony Robbins world or in Rachel Hollis's, like, I'm just not drawn to it.

However, I'm drawn to people like Africa Brooke or Brené Brown or Elizabeth Gilbert. And again, There is no like right or wrong or comparison or [00:06:00] like, Oh, well, Tony Robbins isn't as good as Brené Brown. Like this isn't what this is about. What it's about is, is to look around you and see who actually naturally captivates you and draws you in.

And then look at why they draw you in. Someone like Afrika Brooke, for example, if you don't know who she is, I highly suggest go check her out. Not only do I align with what she says, and the message that she's putting out there, I also align with the way that she holds herself. There is an energy behind how she holds herself and a set of values that she sort of lives by, right?

So it's like looking at these people and going, why am I naturally captivated and drawn to them? Now, this can also vary and change, right? Over time, as you evolve, as you grow, the people that you sort of look to that inspire you may change, and that's absolutely okay. Okay. But coming back to sort of the question of like, how do I create authority?

The first question you need to ask yourself is, is there a belief [00:07:00] there that you can't be who you're here to be and also be taken seriously professionally and seen as an authority? Like, are there things about yourself that you're finding bad or not right that have to fit some other mold? For example, being professional or I don't really like to toot my own horn or I'm an introvert.

right? If these are stories that you're sort of telling yourself and you're saying like, I'm an introvert, therefore I can't be seen as an authority because I'm not going to be jumping up on stages and cheering and being boisterous and loud and hype and all those sorts of things. Again, those aren't bad.

It's just, if we're looking at people that we see out there and we go, well, I'm not them and I don't have that energy and I don't have that level of you know, confidence or whatever it might be, therefore I can't be seen as an authority. That's where we need to start because that's the belief that's actually driving then therefore your emotions and your actions.

And by that I mean you believing that [00:08:00] you can't be an authority unless you try to change yourself and contort yourself into being something that you're likely not, right? The second thing I want you to sort of really sit with and contemplate is, is who do I aspire and see out there that I'm like, I aspire to, or I'm inspired by, and can I distinguish why I'm inspired by them?

I've given you an example about Africa Brooke, when I think of Brene Brown, the thing that really draws me into Brene Brown, again, is the message that she's putting out there. I'm very much aligned with it. But I'm also very intrigued by the fact that she's, uh, an academic, she's done tons of research, right?

That in and of itself for me is a draw, like, you've spent years and years, this is your body of work, this is your life work, and then there's an energy with Brene Brown as well, right? Similar to like, Africa Brooke, again, not the same people at all, but there's this like, quiet leadership. Right? Brenny Brown doesn't need to be loud or boisterous.

She's not jumping on stages. I think, you know, the one story I absolutely loved when she was getting ready to do, I think it was a [00:09:00] TED Talk, and she thought she had to dress a certain way to go on stage. And she's like, I really just want to wear like, I can't remember what it was, her clogs or whatever. I just want to show up like in how I would naturally dress and show up.

And I think the person with her was like, well, why don't you? You know, and I think she went and changed and stuff. I might not be sharing this story exactly, but there was a story like that where it was like, even Brene going, you know, hey, I think I need to show up and dress a certain way for this quote unquote TED talk.

And, but I don't actually don't really want to dress that way. I actually want to dress more in something that's comfortable for me and something that I actually like and enjoy wearing and on my feet and all the things. I don't want to wear heels and whatnot. I'm sharing this with you to just provide you with that insight is that for you, if you're asking that question, like, how do I become the authority?

It's nothing that you have to do. It's more likely an unlearning of what [00:10:00] you think you need to be But also really gaining clarity on like, what, what are you inspired by and why are you inspired by them? What values do you want to hold? How do you want to show up? Again, when I think of Afrika Brooke, there's a, an essence to her and energy, and there's a confidence, a quiet confidence on how she shows up because she knows who she is.

She knows who she is and she knows You know what she stands for and what she doesn't and therefore shows up with this sort of quiet confidence. And if you're in my world and you're soulful and maybe introverted or you're not the boisterous jumping on stage. And again, nothing wrong with that. You likely carry a quiet confidence and you likely know your work and your body of work inside out.

And you know, You're likely well, well, well, well trained and skilled at what you do. Um, maybe you have many, many certifications. Then [00:11:00] I, then ask yourself, start asking yourself these questions, like who do you think you actually have to be to gain authority and start to unravel those beliefs. Because like I said, You know, there's a lot of leaders out there that I say have that quiet confidence that can walk into a room and captivate people's attention without really even saying a word.

People are just naturally drawn to them. And then when they do open their mouth and when they do share, it's often very intentional. There's an intention behind the words. There's a thoughtfulness behind the words. There's an openness to perspective, right? If you think of Brené Brown, There's an openness, right?

She does research, so she's looking from all angles and all sides, and she's open to have the difficult, vulnerable conversations. There's an openness. Africa Brooke, same thing, right? When you think of Elizabeth Gilbert to some degree, right? I think the thing that drew me into her again was this like There was a quiet confidence, but there was also a confidence of like, I'm going to go after what I want in my life, even if that means I have to let go of [00:12:00] things and it's hard and all the things, but also the creativity, the writing, right?

That also really draws me in, uh, into her work as sort of an authority in her own right and what she does. So to answer that question, How do I become an authority? I think it's coming back home to what does authority actually mean to you, and how do you actually want to show up in the world? Because the way in which you show up in this world is the thing that's going to establish the authority, and if you aren't showing up in an authentic way, I'm not saying you can't create authority.

We've got lots of leaders in the world, right, that we might be looking to, like, how are they leading, right? Again, if you look at some of the great leaders of the world, get curious about why people naturally follow them. It's often their message. It's the message they're putting out there, right? And that can be really captivating.

It's usually how they carry themselves. They can be very stern and direct and to the [00:13:00] point and crass and all of that, and they could have a group of following of people, right? They could be quiet and lead sort of from behind and still have a group of following. So, What I'm trying to say is there's no right or wrong way to be an authority.

There's no right or wrong way on how to actually do this. It's going to be whether or not you show up in a way that's truly authentic to who you are. And if that's being introverted and not really tooting your own horn or, you know, sharing and being all over the internet or whatever, then you don't have to you don't have to do that, is what I'm trying to say.

It's when we try to conform and contort ourselves to fit into some sort of pre conscribed model or mold that we believe is needed in order to be taken seriously, professionally, seen as an authority, seen as somebody who knows what they're talking about. And that is when. We actually do the app, the opposite, right?

People don't necessarily [00:14:00] see us as an authority because they can sense it and feel it. They sense that, right? A lot of leaders, when they walk into a room, they can command a room, whether that is like in this boisterous big chest energy, as I call it, like they just walk in and they're like extroverted and they're talking to everybody and all of that.

And they just captivate and capture a room and they rally rooms of thought. People. You that's the Tony Robbins. That's the Rachel Hollis. You know, you could even say Donald Trump, right? That's the energy that they bring to, like, they're rallying the troops in a lot of ways. And then you've got the quiet leaders and and people behind the scenes, I don't even wanna say behind the scenes, but they're leading like, With this quiet confidence that also exude this type of energy that is also equally mysterious and captivating and draws people in, and it's often subtle, right?

Again, it's this like quiet confidence behind what they do. Like I'm here to share a message and this is the message I want to share, and I'm going to stand in my values, even [00:15:00] if. you know, I have the doubt of like, what should I wear for a TED Talk? Should I be putting on a dress and heels and when I really don't want to?

Or do I show up as my truest self in a way that's comfortable, um, and totally me, right? You'll see presenters get on stage sometimes with bare feet and they're like, I don't actually really wear shoes. I live in a hot place and I never wear shoes. If anything, I might put on sandals from time to time, right?

It's like, how can you more and more and more into your own authority, and what does that actually mean for you, and the value that you carry, and the truth that you carry, and then share that truth. That message that you're putting out there is that authority building. And again, It doesn't have to be something, you know, earth shattering all the time.

It could literally be an introspective question or it could be you showing up live if you want to, and just having a conversation with [00:16:00] people. Again, it's, it's looking at and getting rid of and, you know, unlearning, I think, what we believe we need to do in order to be an authority and just going, how can I show up and share my message and put that message into the hands of people that I know I can support and impact and they will see you as that authority.

So hopefully, This podcast has given you some insight into how to build authority. And then, of course, the practical ways, right? If, like, you can speak on podcasts, you can get on stages, you can do TED Talks, you can do publications, you can show up on social and build an audience that way. I mean, there's so many different ways that you can, quote, unquote, take the practical steps to be an authority, or two, get your message out there.

Those are the practical steps. And again, to me, that's like, there's a dime a dozen you there's so many different ways that you can do it. What's more important, I think, in the message that I want to share is one, [00:17:00] I think the days of authority and guru and all of that is starting to sort of like fall away.

And more and more people are looking for their own inner authority. So the more that we can show up in our inner authority, which is Aligning with our values, aligning with how we want to show up, being more authentic, getting really curious about the beliefs that are sort of driving whether we make a decision or not, right, the indecision, um, or the belief that we need to be something other than who we are in order to be successful, to be seen as an authority, to get our message out there, to have people coming into our world, it's, it's It's really unpacking and unraveling those beliefs, in my opinion, so that we can come more and more and more back to our own inner authority.

And when we show up in our inner authority, that is captivating. And more and more people are going to go, Wow, she really does show up. in her own inner truth and authority. And [00:18:00] that's really inspiring for me to do this in my life versus sort of the authority figure that's like, Hey, this is what we need to do in rallying the troops to believe a certain thing and to move in a certain action where we're all conforming to that vision and that mission.

mission and message, where in reality, I believe there is this other stream that's happening of people, like I said, that want to honor and own their own sovereignty, their own inner authority. And therefore we need leaders that are standing in their own inner authority to inspire and to captivate and to shine a light on that way.

so that they can do it for themselves. It's not, hey, this is my way and I want you to copy and be, be me in a lot of ways. It's, hey, this is how I stand in my truth and my value. And someone like Africa Brooke or Brené Brown or Elizabeth Gilbert, right? I mean, I think of them as leaders. It's not, hey, I want to rally you to follow me and to, [00:19:00] you know, chew on every word I say and digest it and become it, right?

I want you to start to think and feel and move through this world in a way that's really true to you. That's the work that, you know, I think Brené Brown does, right, is to really help us unpack that. Afrika Brooke, the same thing, right, is always how can we be more ourselves and how can we communicate in a more authentic, open sort of way and not be so judgmental or, you know, cancel culture or whatnot, right?

How can we all honor each other in this world? And so, Hopefully this has shed some light on that, you know, question of authority and who do I need to be and how can I become that person? You already are that person. You already are that person, and I think that's where the belief starts. It's a matter of can I start to unravel [00:20:00] and peel back the layers of why that human that I came here to be on this planet, why I believe I need to be anything other than that person in order to have the things I want, be successful, you name it.

And when I honor my own inner authority, I'm inspiring others to honor theirs. And that to me is the greatest form of authority building and guidance, I think. on this planet. So with that, I hope you have a fab day. And of course, if you have any questions at all, you've loved this episode, please DM me over on InStack Creatively Owned.

I absolutely love hearing from all of you. I love your feedback. I love your insight. Um, and of course this podcast episode came to be because I had a client ask the question and then said, Hey, I think this would be a really great episode. So here we are. If you have any ideas or insights, or you want to see a particular type of.

podcast episode, or you want a question answered, shoot that to me, and I will, uh, record an [00:21:00] episode if it's an aligned, uh, fit for me. Cheers. Thanks for listening. We'll see you right back here next time. You can also find us on social media at Creatively Owned and online at creativelyowned. com. Until next time, keep showing up as your authentic self.