How to Bust Out of the Marketing and Sales Box and Communicate Authentically

INTRO: After generating over a million dollars in sales and selling one of her businesses with a single email, your host, Kathryn Thompson, takes an unconventional approach to marketing and sales. So if you're ready to tap into a more powerful way to be seen, heard, and a sought after entrepreneur in your industry, without having to spend endless hours marketing your business and chasing clients, you're in the right place. Be The Sought After Entrepreneur Podcast is here to help you ditch the cookie cutter, one size fits all approach to marketing and use your unique energy to effortlessly attract the most aligned clients. When you do this, you can spend less time marketing your business and more time doing your soul work and enjoying the richness of your life. Welcome to Be The Sought After Entrepreneur Podcast. And here's your host, Kathryn Thompson...

Kathryn Thompson: Hey, hey, Superstar Theatre in this week's episode. I cannot wait to dive into today's topic [00:01:00] because I really want to unpack Authenticity and what it means to show up authentically, what it means to write content and copy authentically, and what it means to really express yourself in that way.

And if you're in my world, likely, this is a question you've pondered, but but it's probably also a sticking point for you in your business, right? You're seeing these different frameworks or ways of doing things that don't really feel like you. And you're in this sort of tension between how do I, you know, bust out of this box that I've found myself in, in business and marketing and sales, in life maybe, but simultaneously you're also, you know, fighting for the limitation to keep yourself in the box.

And I'm going to give you an example of what that looks like, right? For example, a lot of people that come into my world will say to me something along the lines of, you know, I don't want to use icky sales tactics or marketing tactics, or [00:02:00] I just want to be X, Y, and Z. I want to be a healer, I want to be a yoga practitioner.

I want to be a somatic yoga practitioner. I want to be a fertility specialist, whatever it might be. I want to be the thing. I don't want to actually do the marketing and the sales of it. And what that tells me often in that expression or that question or that statement is, is that they believe they have to be something different when it comes to marketing and sales.

They've got to take on some sort of different identity than who they actually already are in order to be successful. And that is them in the tension of, I want to bust out of the box and be myself. And I want to show up in my business and be who I truly actually am without having to conform to who I am.

Marketing and Sales. And if you've been in my world a while now, you've probably heard me say that what I believe marketing and sales [00:03:00] actually is, is more of a heart centered or heart led approach, which really is just about relationship building and us being able to cultivate relationships. So if you're a yoga instructor, if you're a holistic, fertility specialist, if you're helping mothers, you know, with their kiddos, raising their kiddos, whatever it is that you do, if that is what you're doing in your business, then really marketing and sales is just cultivating relationships.

I believe we've lost the essence of that. And that is really amplified in the online space with things like direct response, copywriting, um, where it is very mechanical. And it, it also is very like. mental model like Hetty, right? So it's trying to fit this like heart and this soul into something that is like very mechanical and manufactured and engineered from a place of, if you write in this way, you will get X result, right?

We hear terminology like controls [00:04:00] or statistics or whatnot. And I can't remember who wrote this. I think it was, um, Rick Rubin who wrote it that if it's, if it's measured, if we're trying to measure it from a very data specific place, it isn't sacred. Now, I'm not saying that we don't want to use data to make informed decisions.

I'm absolutely not saying that, but what I am saying is, is that when there is an imbalance, we can lose ourselves in that, right? And so for me, it's leading with the sacred. It's leading with the heart. It's focusing on building these relationships in an organic, authentic way, and then taking any sort of data that we might have, and that might be The revenue in your business, you know, you're not at a place that you want to be.

Okay. So what needs changing because I'm not there revenue wise, maybe it's client, you know, interactions or relationships or clients in general. I don't have the number of clients I want. [00:05:00] Okay. What do we need to focus on then to attract more clients into your world? So, This is what I want you to keep in perspective with the data, because while I feel like data is a really great place to make informed decisions by, I also think there's a beautiful harmony, um, when we lead with our heart and we lead with that intuition and we lead with creating really organic content.

relationships, which brings me to the whole point of this podcast. Episode is like, how do I be authentic in my business? And how do I show up? And is it even possible? And I want to say that it absolutely is, but it requires some unlearning, some unraveling and getting really curious. where you're fighting for your own limitation and where you're still trying to fit yourself into the box rather than fully busting out of it and why you're fighting to stay in the box.

Like, what is that actually doing for you? [00:06:00] Because our ego will absolutely fight for our limitations, but it's doing it for a reason. It's often doing it because it's, it's giving you something, right? And I want to give you a bunch of examples, like I said, that either I have said to myself, or I have heard from other people, where I can very distinctly spot that tension or that dichotomy between wanting to really be themselves and also trying to still fit the mold, so to speak.

And one of the biggest ones I see or hear is, and this is something I've told myself, and I've told myself this many, many, many, many times, which I've now have the awareness around it is, is like, I'm not this hype person that can just rally and hype up the troops, right? I'm more direct. Sure, I have expression and I can get passionate and excited about things, but I've never seen myself as, let's just say, like a Tony Robbins or a Rachel Hollis, [00:07:00] right, who's jumping on stage and walking over a fire, like, that just isn't me.

And for the longest time, I would fight for that limitation. Well, I'm not that hype person. So I'll never create a big personal brand. I'll, you know, I have to have these big events in order to really scale. Like, these were the mental stories I was telling myself. And that was a mental story of a box I had seen, right?

And the box being Tony Robbins model and the way that he runs his business that I was telling myself I had to be that in order to be successful. I had to be like a Rachel Hollis in order to be successful. Not saying I wanted to adopt their life. Like you might not like Tony Robbins and you might not like Rachel Hollis.

These are just examples of like the box, right? They've created their own box of their reality and identity. Rachel Hollis has and does it in her way or whatever, and maybe she's replicating other boxes. That's [00:08:00] fine, but what I'm trying to highlight and reflect here for you is that if we're trying to bust out of the box but we're trying to fit into somebody else's box, whether that's an individual, we're comparing ourselves to some other person we saw on the internet and we feel like we need to be that way to be successful, whether that is in our demeanor, the way we show up.

what we talk about, how we talk about it. And I'm going to dive into that a little bit because I know a lot of people that are in my world are very intellectual. You all are super freaking smart. You probably have a bazillion certifications. You've learned a ton. You love to learn and you're probably in your head a lot and probably struggled to reconnect to that heart and what that soul and heart actually wants.

And therefore. Have Your Own Sort Of Conditioning Around That. And I know this well because this is part of my identity, right? I have an undergraduate in marketing, a master's in communications. I've contemplated doing a PhD. [00:09:00] I'm never not learning something. I've gone down the human design rabbit hole and know a ton about it.

I'm self taught there. Um, I've done, I'm a photographer, right? I've learned a lot about a bunch of different things. Classic manifest manifesting generator. Um, but why I'm sharing this with you is because. We can learn a lot about all of these sorts of things and we want to bring this out into the world and oftentimes we think, well, what if I'm too much?

Will I bore somebody? I come from academia, therefore, I'm more direct and maybe speak more in an academic way. I'm very intellectual. So it's a lot of information, a lot of education, like, nobody reads anymore, so therefore I have to shorten it or dilute my voice in order to speak to my people. These are all things that are keeping you in the box.

These are all things that your [00:10:00] ego, yourself, or the way in which you're looking at the world around you and what's possible And that is keeping you in the box because there's examples of people everywhere that speak in their own way and, and do their own thing, right? Um, Rachel Hollis, Tony Robbins, Brené Brown, right?

I mean, Brené Brown is an academic and a lot of her writing is based on academic research. So that's proof just in of itself right there that you can be an academic and still succeed as a personal brand, write books, you name it, right? So it's being able to identify the limitations that you're putting yourself in, the box that you're putting yourself in and going, I can't be.

Because X, Y, and Z. I'm not a hype person. I'm too academic. I talk too fast. Um, I'm doing all a bunch of [00:11:00] things. I feel scattered. I, I'm an introvert. You name it. I mean, we could run a list of things. So, when people come to me and they say to me, Kathryn, how do I be more authentic? My question is always, the very first question I ask them is, where are you not being yourself, because you feel like you won't be successful, you won't get the results, people might not like it, your audience might react poorly, you might repel your people.

Right? It usually is attached to the outcome that you desire, right? If you want more clients, oftentimes it's like, I have to be a certain way in order to get the clients. And if I'm not that way, then I'm not going to get the clients. And therefore we're usually comparing ourselves to somebody else we've seen that has supposedly created the success and the results.

that we desire, [00:12:00] which is something else I want to touch on because I think it's really easy to perceive somebody and look at them and go, wow, they have everything that I feel like I want. And I desire, but we don't actually truly know whether or not that definition of success that they're living is something they're even satisfied with or fulfilled with.

And you might intellectually get this, but But this is where the work begins, because when somebody asks me, how do I be authentic? How do I show up? How do I turn my words into language that I know is going to resonate with my people? Whatever it might be, I ask that question, where are you? diluting, sacrificing, cutting off.

Where are you not being who you want to be because you don't think it'll be accepted. It won't produce the results that you desire. It won't create the success that you want. And oftentimes I get a list of things of like, I've just given examples about. I, [00:13:00] Word I might be misunderstood, I might overwhelm people with all of the knowledge and information that I have to share, I don't have that hype personality, I'm more direct and less, you know, fun and easygoing, I'm maybe not as flexible, I don't know, all of the excuses that we love to tell ourselves of why we can't be who we want to be and be accepted and be well received as a result of that.

That's the first place. Because. There is no rules or step by step process. So the minute we can identify and have the awareness of where we are diluting or where we believe we can't be who we are and all the multifaceted parts of who we are, then that's the work of unraveling and unlearning that behavior.

Because if you try to overlay any sort of thing in terms of expression, like you go to create a post and if [00:14:00] you believe that you're going to come across as too academic or too intellectual, then you might try to filter it through a lens of trying to be like conversational and funny and a comedian when in reality that's not who you are.

So you're taking that framework and you're trying to apply it to yourself that won't. necessarily work anyways because it's not you and it may produce some results for you, but likely you're not going to feel fulfilled in those results because again, it's not you. At some point in your journey, you're going to go, huh, this isn't quite me.

And then the second question I often ask after they've sort of come up with this and we're doing work around on raveling and on learning this is, I ask them, where are they trying to still fit themselves into any sort of box? Where are they comparing themselves in any way, shape, or form [00:15:00] to a framework they've read, a book they've read, anything like that?

Again, this work seems tedious, because it is. but this is the work that is required to fully step into who you want to be. And I get in a world of immediacy where we want things fast and quick and easy and we don't want to do the work. This might be like, ah, cool, but I'm going to go back to replicating and trying to follow all the how tos and the step by steps and hopefully find my way through it.

And you can absolutely do that. But what I know to be true is when we are talking about authenticity and creative expression, this is, nine times out of 10, the place we need to start. Because I always say that you have within you already who you are, you know, likely who you are, [00:16:00] what you like, what you don't like, but it's you telling yourself this story that you can't be that person or you'll be rejected and not accepted in all the things.

And so it's unpacking and unraveling that. So then therefore, You can start to express yourself creatively and more authentically. Now, I always preface that this isn't about, like, nailing it and finding it and you can't show up. Until you find it, because I think part of the process is walking through the fire, so to speak, no pun intended, but literally what putting yourself out there and giving yourself the grace and the acceptance that you might make a mistake and you might, You know, change your tune or your tone as you start to really find your voice.

And I actually don't even like that term, finding your voice, because to me, it's not about finding it. It's just about choosing it. It's about [00:17:00] choosing you and who you are and how you want to express yourself over choosing. the limitation that's asking you to stay in the box that you've created for yourself.

And it is a lifetime process because your voice and your expression is a living, breathing thing. It's like nature. So oftentimes in business, we love to like be definitive and certain. You just give me the thing and I'll do the thing. And it's like this tangible thing that just like never changes. Like give me the steps to attract clients.

Give me the steps to make more sales. Give me the steps to write copy really well. And I'll just follow it rigidly. That's a box because nothing in business and nothing in life is completely stagnant. Or like rock solid, right? It's constantly changing, just like nature. And your expression is [00:18:00] that? It's an evolution, right?

It's like a blooming of a flower or it's like, you know, the change of tides, the sea coming in and coming out, right? It can change based on your life, your lived experience, the lessons that you learn, the stories that start to evolve out of your experiences. Like, It is such an evolving thing that we spend so much of our time trying to get it like, I'm just going to get it and finally learn it.

And that's that beautiful intellectual human being that loves to read a book, learn something and apply it. But when we can shift our perspective around how we view quote unquote, finding our voice or living an authentic, creative, um, expression in our business and in our life, When we can change the way we look at it from like, it's this thing that we will master into, it's this thing that we will continually evolve and grow [00:19:00] into.

And we will accept that what we may have believed yesterday may not be true today, and that is absolutely okay. However, I understand how tough that can be in a culture that, you know, loves to cancel people, and loves to project and judge, and loves to be in opposition and division to one another, like, I don't even know who you are anymore, you've changed.

That should be actually the goal is like, wow, you've changed. That's amazing. I love how your perspective has shifted. Or people being able to understand and accept the nuance that like, I might not a hundred percent agree with you on politics or religion or whatever, but we can still have a deep understanding of one another and accept one another.

And we can Still benefit from one another's relationship, even though we are not 100 percent identical and none of us really actually are, which is the whole other [00:20:00] piece that I want to kind of unpack when it comes to authenticity and being yourself, because if there is this fear that somebody might hate you or judge you, or not agree with you on one piece of who you are.

If that fear is running the show, it'll be really, really, really hard for you to show up authentically because you're always going to filter what you say and how you say it through fear. I'm not saying that it's not scary to disappoint people or not have them like you or to misinterpret you or misunderstand you and all those sorts of things.

I'm not saying that. That doesn't cause fear or whatnot, but it's changing our relationship with that fear. It's like, will I allow this fear to choke hold the expression that I want to share with the world? Or will I move through this fear knowing that there is a possibility [00:21:00] somebody might not like what I have to say?

But I'm okay with that, because the cost of me not doing and being who I am and fully expressing myself in that capacity isn't a cost I'm willing to bear, and that cost is losing myself in all of this, losing myself in the life I'm cultivating and living, and losing myself in my business, which I know that even the highest amount of success, wealth, prosperity clients is only, will only take you so far.

I've been there in a lot of ways where I've built really successful things and I've done really successful things, but I've done it at the cost of self sacrificing my life. My Own Expression, Myself, and all of those sorts of things, which is why I wanted to record this episode for you, because I often will get asked, like I said, how do I be authentic?

And it's almost like that [00:22:00] question is like, it's like a one and done sort of thing, and it absolutely isn't. At every stage of the book, businesses that I've built, I'm constantly evolving and constantly shifting and reshaping the way I view the world and deepening my own views of things. And therefore it's not something that's one and done that I can just say like, here are the five tips on how to be authentic.

Like, I wish it was that easy, but it's not that easy. It's a hell of a lot harder if you are following five steps on how to be authentic. I'll tell you that, right? If you're following a framework or a process or steps on how to do it, then It's going to be hell of a lot harder because you're only going to continue to bump up against the edges and the limitations that you have on yourself until you start to see the limitations for what they are and the boxes that you're still trying to fit yourself into, right?

So when we can [00:23:00] unpack the boxes that you're trying to put yourself into, and really see the edges for what they are, then that is how you can start to deepen and sink in and sink into more of who you are and really sort of honour that. And this is the deep work below the surface that I don't believe comes from the head.

I believe it comes from the heart and the soul. Like you've got to trust very deeply the calling that's on your heart, but also really, really getting curious about. who you are, why you're wired the way that you are, and are there things that you're doing that are just ingrained conditions that have been put on you based on something that's happened in your life?

And that unraveling, unpacking, and integration takes time. And to rush that process, or to fast track that process, or to, you know, biohack your way out of it. To me is [00:24:00] just bullshit, right? Is just bullshit because this to me is the work that we're here to do on this planet is to how can we be more of ourselves?

How can we show up more of our own authentic creative expression? How can we honor that in ourselves, but simultaneously honor it in others? And how can we stop and release the judgment that comes with this process. Like how can we deepen our understanding of who we are and why we want to do things a certain way.

And I want to leave you with this, because this is a big one, right? If you were looking at a mentor or coach or somebody online and you're saying to them, but I don't know how, like, thank you, Kathryn, but you've given me great tips on or insight on like, identifying where I'm still trying to fit myself in the box while simultaneously trying to bust out of it.

I see that now. I see where I'm, you know, trying to tell myself I [00:25:00] have to be hype in order to be successful, or I have to be an extrovert in order to be successful, or I have to be a certain way that I'm actually not that person. And so I have to therefore conform into something that I'm not in order to be successful.

That is the awareness piece of it. And if you're saying, great, Kathryn, that's awesome. I see that now, but like, how do I then discover my authenticity? And that is deepening your understanding of yourself. And that is also deepening your understanding of your own creative practice and process. And That isn't a to do list.

That is a listening. That is listening to your soul and listening to what it is that you want to create when it comes to that. What do you want to express? And coming from a place of not wanting to get something in return. And I know this is really, really, really difficult to understand in the business and marketing and sales space [00:26:00] where everything is based on outcome.

If I say this, and I do this, then I'll get this. Or if I show up in this way, then they'll see me in this way and I'll get X results. I'll get people booking calls. I'll get people signing up to my programs. I'll make more sales, yada, yada. We know the process and the framework. That's inherently the problem.

Because if you're trying to be something in order to get something, there already is an inauthenticity there embedded in in that because you shouldn't have to be something in order to get something. Your existence and your way of being and your creative expression will naturally, and I promise you this, will naturally call people into your world.

I've seen it in my brick and mortar, I've seen it in hundreds of other business owners, right? It's when we try to figure out how, we have to be. The answer isn't in the head. So when you're [00:27:00] asking the question, how, and you're wanting some intellectual mental framework, that is inherently the problem. How you be is not something you answer with your brain.

It's not a step by step. It's not a process. It's a way of being. It's how you exist in the world and what therefore comes through you. And I believe totally through you is the thing that needs to be expressed. Again, we go back to, but that doesn't really make sense with my brand or I don't know how that's related to how people know me or how I'm labeled, right?

I'm a marketing coach. So why am I talking about, you know, limitations or subconscious beliefs or whatnot? How does that relate to marketing? Right? You can see the limitation being fought there. Well, I really want to talk about leadership, but that doesn't really fit the brand of a copywriter. So how do I integrate that [00:28:00] into my brand?

We've created a box. We've created a box with how and what we call ourselves. We've created a box and the belief that just because I'm a marketing expert doesn't mean I can't talk about leadership or mindset or anything else. Spirituality, right? These are boxes that we're putting around ourselves. And so when we add a label to who we are and what we do and why we do what we do, we've inherently put limitations on ourselves because we're like, I'm a marketing expert, therefore I can only talk about these things.

Or I'm a copywriter, therefore every email I send and every podcast I record has to be copy tips, tricks, and hacks. Like, See how we put ourselves in our own boxes? And if I held that belief and that limitation, then you would not be necessarily hearing this podcast the way that I'm recording it, or you wouldn't receive the email that I'm sending out, or I sent out [00:29:00] last week, around limitations and mindset, right?

Because I would be telling myself, I can't talk about those things. The problem is, like nature, our business and our life is this ecosystem and that it isn't separate. It's not done in silos, which is one of the biggest things I used to say in corporate to my CEOs and the founders I worked with. Like, you're treating every department like a silo and therefore this department can only do this, right?

So like tech support can only do tech support. Well, what if Joe and tech support Had a brilliant idea for marketing, but Joe couldn't talk about it because Joe's in tech. Can you see how forward thinking it would be if we allowed Joe, who's in quote unquote tech, to bring his ideas forward about marketing?

Or let's just say Jill in marketing was like, Hey, Joe in tech, like I've got this really [00:30:00] cool idea that might add more efficiencies when it comes to tech, like take it for what it is, but this is just what I thought, and then Joe goes and implements it and it creates a ton more efficiencies. We live in boxes, we live in silos, and this is inherent across corporate, across business, I've seen it, I've helped hundreds and hundreds of founders, CEOs, I've been in many styles of businesses, and I can see it so clearly.

And, I see it within myself and my own identity, which is why I see it so clearly in these corporations. Again, from a non judgment place, what I see in others and in society and in things are inherently things that I have within myself. Like, how are we fighting for our limitations, but how are we, Inadvertently putting ourselves into boxes in business and in life and therefore diluting or cutting parts of ourselves off without even knowing it sometimes, right?

So I want to leave you with [00:31:00] this. I would love to invite you to walk away from this episode and take some time because this was the last thing I was sort of sharing was is that we want things quick and we want them fast and we don't necessarily want to do the work. But if you're asking yourself, how do I be more authentic?

Like I, I see my limitations and I see what they are. That's the first thing I want you to do is I want you to start to list and get really curious. And you can practice this for seven days, 21 days, 30 days, whatever, where you literally start to document all of these sort of limitations and boxes that you see yourself putting yourself in.

Like, what do I call myself? Or I want to call myself something so it makes sense to people. These are limitations. and boxes that you're putting yourself in. So I want you to jot all of those down because that's the first step. And then the second step is, is getting really sort of clear on what resistance you [00:32:00] have now that you know this.

And if the resistance is, I don't know what step to take, or I don't know how to actually, like, make this happen, oftentimes it's because we're trying to have this clear map, or this clear picture, and your authenticity and creative expression, like I said, is an evolving, growing thing. And it's also constantly changing.

So what you might say today might sound totally different tomorrow, and that's absolutely okay. It's based on the lens in which you're viewing and moving through this world. Therefore, it's going to flow through you, meaning you're not going to have this map built out for the next, you know, 365 days.

Because who you are today is not going to be the same person you are in 365 days. And what you want to talk about today might be slightly different than what you want to talk about tomorrow and the next day and the next day. And that is part of being your own authentic creative expression. Because if you're trying to just talk about the one thing and [00:33:00] do that consistently for the next four years, that's probably part of the resistance that's going to come up for you.

Because you're like, But I, I don't know how, and I want to talk about this, but what about this? And then what about this? And what about this? And what about this? And this is all mental. So my suggestion for you, if you're hung up in the how, my suggestion is what is something that you could express today?

And I want you to go express it somewhere. And if you don't want to post it publicly, you could just write it in your journal because it's going to be taking the right next best step for you. And I don't even like the word, right. It's the most inspired next step for you. It's like, what is your heart calling you to share today?

I don't care about tomorrow. I don't care about how it fits into your brand. I don't care about if it's on brand or what people will think. I don't care about that. It's just, what is, is it a poem? Um, Is [00:34:00] it an email and it's a story? I, whatever it is, but the minute there's resistance, let's identify the resistance.

And if the resistance is, but that's not on brand and all the things we know, these are just you fighting for your limitations. And that's the awareness piece. It's your way of being. There isn't anything to learn. There isn't anything to do. There aren't steps. There's aren't, there isn't a framework. It's like finding your own framework.

And again, and finding your own way through it, which is the uncomfortable place a lot of us sit, because we have been conditioned our whole life to go through a teaching model that's like, this is how you do it. Therefore, we don't have to critically think, we don't have to creatively think. There's no exploration or curiosity.

That's often been stripped out of us in a traditional educational model as [00:35:00] children, right? Sit at a desk, learn what we teach you, write a test, and we'll grade you on X, Y, and Z test, right? We didn't have to think about anything creatively in a lot of ways, and then you go into high school and university, and it's the same process, right?

And so again, this is about getting curious and exploring and being comfortable in the unknown. known and the uncertainty of what might transpire or what might come through you. That is how you be authentic, showing up with that deep self trust of like, I have no idea where this is taking me, but I'm just going to trust the process and follow it.

So I really hope that this episode has given you some insight or thought or perspective around how you're fighting for your limitations and how many of us are wanting to bust out of the box, but yet we're putting ourselves in boxes. inadvertently or just [00:36:00] through our own fear and whatnot. So with that, I hope you have a fab day.

And if you found this episode helpful, I would love to hear from you over on Instagram. You can DM me at creativelyowned. I love hearing from you. Cheers. Thanks for listening. We'll see you right back here next time. You can also find us on social media at creativelyowned and online at creativelyowned.

com. Until next time, keep showing up as your authentic self.