The Cure for Your Love-Hate Relationship with Marketing and Sales

INTRO: After generating over a million dollars in sales and selling one of her businesses with a single email, your host, Kathryn Thompson, takes an unconventional approach to marketing and sales. So if you're ready to tap into a more powerful way to be seen, heard, and a sought after entrepreneur in your industry, without having to spend endless hours marketing your business and chasing clients, you're in the right place. Be The Sought After Entrepreneur Podcast is here to help you ditch the cookie cutter, one size fits all approach to marketing and use your unique energy to effortlessly attract the most aligned clients. When you do this, you can spend less time marketing your business and more time doing your soul work and enjoying the richness of your life. Welcome to Be The Sought After Entrepreneur Podcast. And here's your host, Kathryn Thompson.

Kathryn Thompson: Hey, hey, super stoked that you're tuning in this week's episode. I cannot wait to dive in today's topic [00:01:00] because I want to talk about something that I know that I really struggled with when I first ventured out on my own and that has to do with marketing and sales and finding that fine balance between knowing that I need to market and sell what it is that I'm doing in order to sell wine or sell my services.

But also doing it in a way that's really genuine and I want to share a reframe with you because it's something I know comes up a lot in my world. When people come to me, they're like, I just really hate marketing and sales. It just isn't genuine. It doesn't quite feel right. It doesn't sound like me. Like I would actually never talk like that.

So how do I Do this in a genuine way, and I wanna share a perspective shift with you because I think it'll be really helpful, and that has to do with how we actually view marketing and sales in the first place. So I wanna break something down for you that one I think will be supportive in terms of how you look at [00:02:00] your people and how you can connect with them in a way that forms that genuine connection so that they can see what it is that you offer.

And hopefully invest in what you offer. And that has to do with. our perceptions and the way we look at things. So for example, when somebody comes to me and they say like, I hate marketing. I don't want to be pushy. I don't want to be salesy. I don't want to convince people that they have to buy something that they might not even want or need.

But they're saying yes because they just don't have the guts to say no. These are things I'll often hear. And these are things I have felt myself specifically when I was selling wine and producing wine, which is quite interesting because everybody that came into the store knew what we kind of did, but also loved wine.

And so that can feel like an easier sell when the people already love the thing that you're selling, or it's a little bit more tangible in terms of what they're going to kind of walk away with. And I want to share this with you because The beliefs that [00:03:00] I had formed had to do with the experiences that I had experienced, and therefore I was projecting those beliefs onto me having a love hate relationship with marketing and sales.

Me having a feeling of, oh man, I don't know if I want to do this, it's pushy, it's salesy, it's manipulative, all those sorts of things. It had to do with me saying yes. in sales scenarios when I actually really wanted to say no. And so I was projecting that onto it. And I want to share a story with you that I've shared before, and I'll share it more concisely now, but I've shared it a few times on the podcast.

And that was the first time a customer said to me on my brick and mortar, you know, you're really good salesperson. And I remember this internal cringe that went on because I never wanted to be seen as a quote unquote, good salesperson, because my beliefs. based on my experiences were that sales was manipulative and that it was pushy and it was trying to convince [00:04:00] people of things that they don't actually want or need.

And so I kind of cringed, but then I got to sort of the root of why this particular customer was saying this. And he said to me, he goes, you really are really passionate about what it is that you're talking about. You're passionate about the wine. You're passionate about, you know, Just having conversations with your customers.

And the thing about the wine business was is that the way in which I sold because I was So so conscious about not being pushy or salesy or icky or anything like that Was that I was almost so leaned back in the sales process that I was sort of selling without selling and not even realizing the benefit of how I was doing things, but it was my genuine way of being.

And by that, I mean, just having conversations with people. I knew everybody's name. I learned about their families. I learned about their relationships. I learned about what they loved, what they didn't love. I learned about travel. I learned about the wine they loved. I learned about the food they like to make.

[00:05:00] I just got really inquisitive about, Who they were, and I just had a conversation with them, like I would have a conversation with somebody that I met at a conference, or I met in a office, or I met wherever, traveling, right? I would just have these genuine conversations like they were my friends, and.

Honestly, a lot of them became like friends. And this particular customer said to me, every time I come to the store, I tell my wife, I'm never, I'm not buying any more stuff for a while. And I always walk away with stuff. And, and the reason he would walk away with stuff is because I would just start talking about the wine I either made and tried and really loved.

And then I would give them a sample of it or a taste of it or whatnot. And it would naturally sell the product. The reason I'm sharing this with you is because, like I said, twofold, right? And we can look at this from both perspectives. We can look at it from the perspective of us running our business, right?

Our experiences inform our beliefs, which then create our [00:06:00] values, which then form our identity. And my beliefs Came from the experiences that I had been pushed into buying something that I had been manipulated into, buying things I didn't need, or that I felt like salespeople were pushy because of an experience that I had had, or experiences as I had had.

Now, you were, people are also walking around the earth and planet with the same sort of experience. They've had experiences in their life that have then created beliefs as a result of that, that have then. Created the values that they hold true to themselves and have formed who they are at an identity level and when we can connect with people based on their experiences and when we can deeply connect with them and I mean that really truthfully, right?

Genuinely connect on their experiences and meet them. in some way, shape, or form on that experience level without bypassing the experience, without negating the experience, any [00:07:00] of that, then there's an instant connection that's formed, right? When somebody can really connect on that, for example, in the wine business, right?

I was able to connect with this particular customer and many of my customers on all these different facets, travel, relationships, their families, things that they like, things that they don't like. And I was able to connect on that and therefore form a bond of connection that allowed me to then sell my products and my services to them in a way that didn't feel manipulative and wasn't manipulative and in a way that's really genuine.

Now, what I would love for you to do in this moment, if you have a love hate relationship with marketing and sales, I'd love you to just stop for a moment and ponder Why you have that love hate relationship with marketing and sales, and if you can resonate with my experience that I just shared with you, because when we project our [00:08:00] experiences onto other people, that naturally forms a reality.

Right? Sales will be hard. Marketing will feel hard when we're looking at why we don't like it. But I want to offer you a perspective shift, because when I left my brick and mortar business and came to the online space, I struggled. And the reason I struggled was because I attached the belief that Based on my experiences that selling a product was easier because it, because I was naturally selling more products.

It required a different level of sales in a lot of ways to sell that product and selling my services felt harder because I wasn't seeing the sale straight out of the gate like I did with my brick and mortar. So I was comparing the experiences. Can you see how experiences create our beliefs, right? So I came into the online space.

I wasn't selling as much as I would have been selling in my brick and mortar. It didn't feel as easy because on the first day that we [00:09:00] opened our doors on our brick and mortar, we sold straight away. When I opened my service based business, I didn't sell on the first day or the second day or the third day.

It actually took a few months, Before I had my first sale, and so I started to create beliefs around this experience. Selling my services is harder. It takes a lot, a lot longer for people to buy. Um, I'm gonna have to use pain point marketing and agitation, and all these tactics that I don't like using because those are the only things that work.

Can you see how everything in our life is informed by our experiences that then create these beliefs that then form our values and our identity? And I'm sharing this with you because I want you to pause for a moment as you're listening to this and really start to journal on this. Get curious and inquisitive about, Are these beliefs that I have formed about marketing and sales actually true?

And is the perspective that I'm looking through, the lens that I'm looking through, through, that's creating my reality, is there another way or perspective that I could [00:10:00] take in, in regard to this? And the reason I say this is because I struggled, like I said, when I came into the online space and I had this belief that selling a product was a hell of a lot easier because that was my experience.

And then I came across this beautiful mentor of mine who had me look at marketing and sales in a very different light. And that had to do with the notion that marketing and sales is really just an act of service. If you have something that can be of service, like a course, a program, mentorship, coaching, whatever it is that you offer, if you have something that can be of service, then sharing that with another human being that could benefit from that service to me is an act of service, but more importantly, an act of love, because you're just extending your, your arm, your hand, whatever it might be out to that person.

But what I realized was, is that I had this deep seated fear of being [00:11:00] rejected, I had a deep seated fear of people saying no, and therefore I resisted marketing and sales. I resisted putting myself out there because I didn't want to be rejected. And then I just held onto the belief that it was easier to sell products than it was to sell services.

It was easier to talk to people in person than it is online, right? It's like, I felt like there was this barrier online, but is that actually really true? Because I've formed some really beautiful connections and really beautiful relationships since then online. So I, I want to sort of leave you with this journal prompting or this invitation to get really curious about how you're perceiving even your marketing and sales.

Maybe you're perceiving your clients in a certain way. Maybe you feel like your clients, um, you're struggling to get them to see results, or you're struggling to get them to show up, or [00:12:00] whatever it might be, I would love for you to get really inquisitive about that. But more importantly, I'd also love for you to get inquisitive about the people that you ultimately want to serve.

Because like I said, they're walking around the planet looking through their unique lens and perspective, and if you can help them shift their perspective around something that they might be struggling with, That is the greatest piece of value that you could offer somebody is helping them see that there's a different way to look at things and that potentially the experiences that they have had are absolutely valid and we don't want to bypass them or negate them or anything like that, but that Reflecting back to them that their experiences that they've had to date have informed the beliefs that they carry with them, whether they're right or wrong, that's not what I'm here to share with you, but they are ingrained beliefs that then result as a result of that, and therefore, [00:13:00] those beliefs will dictate how they create the reality around them, because if they don't enjoy or like, or maybe they're struggling with the reality that they have, then it all comes back to the experiences and beliefs that they hold.

And if we can show them a different perspective, reflect a different reality, speak truth to maybe why they're experiencing that, I truly believe that we as humans, all we want to do is be seen and understood. And when we're seen and understood on a level that is people just understanding our experiences and validating those experiences and then supporting us and maybe shifting those perspectives that we hold so dear that that in and of itself is the greatest gift as I said and people then naturally go wow that person really seen me that person has really understood me they get me they get what I want to do and what I want to [00:14:00] create or they get how I want to heal or whatever it might be and therefore They want to invest in what it is that you're offering because they feel seen and understood.

But in order for them to feel seen and understood, we as human beings must understand our own journey from that perspective, must see very clearly how our experiences inform our beliefs, and how They're not always accurate or correct. They're truth for you in that moment, but there's always a different perspective and a different angle that we can take if we're open to it.

You know, Einstein's famous quote, right? You can't create the innovation and change from the same perspective that you created it. And that's what I mean by experiences and beliefs, right? Is that if I kept telling myself the story that it's way easier to sell products than it is to sell services. Then I would just keep spinning in that belief and that's what my reality would then present for me, right?

I would struggle to sell my [00:15:00] services. If I kept looking at marketing and sales as manipulative, pushy, icky, I don't want to convince someone to buy something. that they really just want to say no to, that's a tendency of people pleasing, right? Because we don't have control over what other people do. And it's, it's kind of ignorant or arrogant to think that we could convince somebody to say yes to something when they don't actually really need it.

Like we're giving, we're giving ourselves way too much responsibility in that genuine partnership. When someone decides to invest, if they go against their own natural tendency to invest and then regret that investment, that doesn't fall on our shoulders, right? There's a, it's a two way street here, but There's a people pleasing tendency that comes out in that we're trying to control the whole scenario.

We're also trying to control how people feel in that relationship, right? What if it's pushy? Or what if I [00:16:00] bother them? Or what if I convince them to do something they don't want to do? Right? That's Again, taking on way too much responsibility, but it's also this hyper vigilant sort of energy that we're bringing into things because we can't actually really control how people feel.

We can't control how people react. We can't control whether they feel manipulated or that you were pushy or you were annoying them. I often joke about, you know, people going door to door and I'm like, people actually still do this. I get so annoyed. I'm a Libra. I'm like, don't come to my space without announcing it.

And I laugh because that's my own shit. That's if I get annoyed, that's my own problem. That's not the person walking around door to door, you know, selling their services or people cold pitching me in the DMS, right? Like they can cold pitch me in the DMS if that's what they want to do. There's no right or wrong.

Do what you want to do. Operate your business in a way that feels aligned and genuine for you. But [00:17:00] us thinking that we can actually control Every step of the way, and how people feel, and how they react, and all of that, is a little bit arrogant in some way, shape, or form, because we don't actually have that control.

So, I want to bring it back and kind of summarize this before we wrap it up, because I'm really hoping that, that this sort of reframe or perspective shift or, you know, opportunity invitation to get inquisitive about why you don't like certain things because it's often led from some sort of experience.

But the other thing that I want to shed light on is, is that our ego loves to fight for our limitations, which means If we spend so much time focusing on the things we hate and we don't like, and I don't like this and all the things, then we're only going to continue to perpetuate that cycle. [00:18:00] So why not focus on the things that you actually do like?

Why not rewrite the script around marketing and sales altogether? If you don't like the way somebody markets and sells, then don't sell like them, but don't give them energy. Don't give that energy, right? Let that energy fuel how you actually want to show up in this world. Because let's just say that we throw the names marketing and sales out of the window, right?

This is another invitation. There is no such thing as marketing and sales. All there is, is a genuine connection. There's a genuine, Hey, this is what I offer. This is what's available to you. If you need support with X, Y, and Z, like it can just be a genuine conversation. And if that's the case, I'm going to go out and have conversations with 10 people, right?

Or I'm going to share a very genuinely heart to heart Lead from my heart, not from a manipulated engineered script [00:19:00] and see what sort of happens. If marketing sales is like non thing, cause that's when I went into my brick and mortar. That's exactly kind of how I was looking at it. I'm a trained marketer.

I'm an undergrad in marketing masters in communications, but when I stepped into my brick and mortar, it was like that hat of marketing and everything went by the wayside. I no longer looked at it through the lens of a marketer. I looked at it through the lens of creating experience for these people and offer a really freaking awesome product and deliver exceptional service.

That's kind of how I looked at it. Sure, you could say that was marketing and sales, right? But I wasn't labeling it as that. I think we label things So deeply we, and they carry meaning, and the meaning that we attach to it is based on our experiences and our beliefs as a result of it. Facebook ads are hard, I've never been able to get my ads to work, or I used to be able to get them to work a lot cheaper and now they're a lot more expensive.

Right? We fight for our limitations rather than fighting for what it is that we actually want. And if you [00:20:00] want to be of service to people and you want to sell your services, then I want you to get really curious about how you want to do that. And then I also want you to notice when you're getting curious where your brain's going, but But, but I'm this, I'm that, I'm this.

Like, I want you to get curious. And it's this awareness that's going to allow you to shift very quickly. And it's this awareness that's going to allow you to get your work in the hands of more people, the people that truly need it. Because marketing and sales is just an act of service, an act of love.

It's you supporting them. But we got to get really clear first on where the resistance is and why we're shying away from it. The fear of rejection, the attachment to you, like it's an extension of you and your identity when in reality it's not. If we actually look at the identity of who you are, you're so much more than the course, the program, the mentorship, the coaching that you [00:21:00] offer.

And not to downplay what you do, but you're so much more than that. You're this limitless being, and yet we get so attached to the thing that we're delivering, the service that we're providing. And what if people don't like it? What if I don't measure up and match people's expectations? I've been there.

Trust me, I'm speaking from full lived experience here. These are all things that I've navigated in the last four, five, six years, where I got terrified. I was terrified in my brick and mortar as well, right? What if people don't like the product? What if all the product goes bad? Again, I'm fighting for my limitations.

I'm worried, hyper vigilant, worried about all the ways that things could go wrong rather than focusing on all the ways they could go right. And this is a journey. This is a process and a journey and it's daily. It's not like, Oh, I've done the work and now I'm, you know, some superior being. These are things that I navigate on the daily basis and, and it changes, [00:22:00] right?

It changes depending on where you're at in your business, what you're now taking on. the level of clients you're taking on, all those sorts of things. So, I really hope that this episode has helped illuminate how we look at things, and the lens in which we look at it, and how we often fight for our limitations, but more importantly, that we've got to change our perspective in order to create a reality where we that we want.

If we don't have the reality that we want right now, you don't have the clients, you don't have the sales coming in, maybe you're not doing the work that you want to be doing, maybe you're not saying the things that you want to be saying, then we have to look and shift our perspective around why this is happening.

And this is the deep work, right? This is the deep work that happens in any experience that you work with me on. So while I help people put into words what they do, and I help them create aligned strategies, there's this depth that we go to, and this is the depth that we go to. [00:23:00] And I truly believe that mentors guides, coaches, whatever, they are unable to meet you where they're not willing to go themselves.

And so I am constantly working on this within myself so that I can evolve, I can expand, I can grow, but I can also support my clients in doing the same. So this is an invitation for you to see the benefit of this work, the, like, getting curious and really going deep within and getting sort of to the root of why you might be viewing something a certain way.

Because marketing and sales can be a beautiful interaction. It can be a very genuine exchange. It can be an act of love and service if you let it and you want it. And if you're not letting and wanting that, and you want to fight for the limitation of what it is, pushy, icky, manipulative, unethical, all the things, then start asking yourself why you're doing [00:24:00] that.

Because part of business, and part of putting your work in the hands of more people is, you've got to have these conversations in order for their exchange to happen. And it just is an energy exchange. Which is why this customer of mine said, well you're passionate about what you talk about. That's why you're a good salesperson.

And it's not fake passion. It's not hype marketing. It was just genuine passion about talking about wine and life and travel and all of the things. So if you aren't passionate about what you're talking about, that's going to be a point for you to investigate as well. Because The passion is something you can't fake.

And again, passion doesn't have to be hype and excitement and all the things. There's just a genuine frequency. And I'll leave you with one final thing. Truth and love are the highest frequencies. Meaning, the more [00:25:00] genuine and truthful, you can show up in your business and share and talk about what you do and why you do it and how you help people, and you can really connect to that, that frequency can't be faked.

And your people will feel it. And I know that might sound like frustrating if you've been at this for a while, but again, I want you to get curious, really curious about how you're approaching your business, marketing, sales, the way you talk about what you do, how you form connections with people, the conversations that you're having.

This will be really indicative and I want you to get really curious about the experiences that you've had in your life that are now informing the beliefs that you carry. And I want you to go, is this true? Or is there a different way to look at this? Is there a different perspective, a different angle that I could come at this?

And if you can't do this on your own, like, if you're like, I can't figure this out, I'm so stuck in, [00:26:00] in this. Then finding somebody that can reflect this back to you and mirror this back to you is so, so vital. And if you would love to have a conversation with me about what that could look like, or if you want to share with me kind of where you're at, I'm always happy to provide recommendations to other people that I know are phenomenal as well.

But this work is so, so vital and it is what is really truly needed if you want to get your work in the hands of more people. So with that, I hope this episode has been super valuable for you and I cannot wait till next week. Cheers. Thanks for listening. We'll see you right back here next time. You can also find us on social media at Creatively Owned and online at creativelyowned.

com. Until next time, keep showing up as your authentic self.