What We Can Learn About Client Attraction From Dating and Relationships

INTRO: After generating over a million dollars in sales and selling one of her businesses with a single email, your host, Kathryn Thompson, takes an unconventional approach to marketing and sales. So, if you're ready to tap into a more powerful way to be seen, heard, and a sought after entrepreneur in your industry without having to spend endless hours marketing your business and chasing clients, you're in the right place. Be The Sought After Entrepreneur Podcast is here to help you ditch the cookie cutter, one size fits all approach to marketing and use your unique energy to effortlessly       attract the most aligned clients. When you do this, you can spend less time marketing your business. And more time doing your soul work and enjoying the richness of your life. Welcome to Be The Sought After Entrepreneur Podcast. And here's your host, Kathryn Thompson.

Kathryn Thompson: Hey, hey, super stoked that you're tuning in this week's episode. I cannot wait to dive in today's topic [00:01:00] because I want to share with you why it's so critical to really understand the nuance and the nuances of of your person, the people that you're wanting to attract into your world, and the people that you want to sell with, and how it is they go about purchasing.

But more importantly, how to really understand the nuance behind the industry that you're in, so that you can sell in a way that deeply attracts the people that you want to work with. And if you're in your business right now, and you're attracting misaligned clients, or you don't seem to be attracting clients that you know are really going to benefit from your work.

For example, let's say you're a business coach and you're supporting people, you know, who are well established. Maybe they've been in business for five to 10 years and they've got experience. You're going to sell to them differently than how you would sell to somebody who's just getting started [00:02:00] because they're different.

And it doesn't mean that, you know, the person that's just starting out doesn't have any business experience. It's just that they're at a different stage in their journey. Similarly, if you were selling, I don't know, a product or a service to moms, you would sell differently to a mother who has a newborn than somebody who has grown children, let's just say, right?

Because they're at different stages. And then within that, there's all of the nuances that come with come with that, right? Depending on the mother, where she lives, all of those sorts of things. And I've touched on this a little bit in some of the other episodes, but I want to use a really well known movie called He's Not That Into You.

And I was sharing this sort of analogy with one of my clients who had the same sort of question, like, how do I attract self led and empowered buyers, right? Not all people are going to be self led and empowered. Not all people are going to buy the same way, but this particular client of [00:03:00] mine is looking for self led and empowered buyers.

People who take accountability and radical responsibility for their life and their business. People who, um, aren't afraid to ask for help. People who will own their mistakes. People who are going to show up in a 50 50 partnership. People who prioritize the work that needs to get done, people who love growth and development and evolution and expansion, right?

So, that's the type of person that she's wanting to attract, but lately, she's been having some conversations with people in the DMs, direct messages, and whatnot, and there is this resonance. That's coming through in the language. The way things are framed that showcases that some of the people that she's attracting are not particularly self-led or empowered.

And when we understand language and we, when we understand the patterns of language. right? Which is a big part of the work I do in Spellbound with my clients. I don't just teach people how to build a funnel or how to, you know, employ a [00:04:00] strategy because the strategies all work. What's more important is that you understand how to communicate to the type of people you want to work with so that you end up working with and attracting those types of people into your world.

Now, I will preface, When you communicate to your human and understand how they buy and purchase and all those sorts of things, this doesn't mean that you'll never have people dropping into your DMs who are not a right fit. It's not about that, but it's about being able to spot that so that you're not saying yes to somebody who may be misaligned.

And I talked a little bit about this on last week's episode, but I want to use the He's not that into you because I feel like it's such a great analogy. And I shared this with her and she kind of joked to me. She's like, wow, uh, dating really does or dating analogies in general really do translate across the business space.

And the reason they do that is because to me, being in business is really about being in the relationship with others, [00:05:00] right? It's our ability to connect and communicate and offer a service or a product to support others in some capacity. And if you're in the service based business where you're coaching or mentoring or guiding or in intimate relationships with people, whether it be healing or whatnot, There has to be a relationship that's cultivated there, right?

And when we understand the type of relationship that we're cultivating and the type of relationship that we want to cultivate that's in alignment with our beliefs, our values, there's a couple things that have to happen. One, we've got to show up and be that, right? So we have to honor our values. We have to live our values in order to be a match for people that have similar values to us or who navigate the world in the same sort of way with the same sort of lens and view on the world.

So I was sharing with her this movie analogy because I think it's so brilliant, right? When I think of self led and empowered buyers, [00:06:00] people who are going to take radical responsibility for their business, their life, their relationships, whatever it is they're seeking your guidance on, they take radical responsibility for that, meaning they know that They have to show up and they have to do the work.

They also know that it's going to take work, right? Everything takes work. I know in this fast paced internet world where we're being sold how to get this thing in 3. 2 seconds, right? It's really easy sometimes to feel like we're either behind or running out of time or any of those sorts of things, because that's the message that we see often, but.

I want to share with you sort of the makeup of what I believe is a self led empowered buyer, so that you can understand the analogy that I'm about to share with you. Because the analogy is, and if you haven't seen, um, if you haven't seen the movie He's Not That Into You, I'm just going to give you a little bit of a synopsis here of what it is.

But, Basically, it's about women in relationship with men, and there's a variety of different relationships in this movie. Um, so it's not just [00:07:00] one main character, but one of the main characters is this young, beautiful woman who ends up at a bar, and she's having a few drinks with a friend. And a gentleman walks up to her and starts chatting with her and they exchange numbers.

Well, actually she gives him her number and he writes, she writes it on a business card or whatnot, and then ends up taking the pen from that exchange and she goes home that night. And she's seen sitting by the phone in a lot of ways, like waiting for the call. Why isn't he calling? You said he was going to call.

He's not following through on his world word, all of those sorts of things, right? He's not walking his talk, right? He took the number. He said he was going to call and then he never did. So the next night, I think, or two nights later, whatnot, sometime that week, she goes back into the bar and she's sitting at the bar and she asks, like the bar manager guy, uh, whether or not this guy's here, if he's seen him or whatnot, if he's a regular, that sort of thing.

And the bar manager's like, well, no, but why? And then she explains her story. [00:08:00] And he sort of befriends her and starts to share with her sort of the inner psychology and workings of a man in a lot of ways. And basically said that if he was into you, he would have called you, basically. It was like the long story short of it.

He would prioritize you. And the analogy here is, is that as a self led empowered buyer who says they're going to do something, they do it, right? They are living in integrity. And when they say they're going to do something, they follow through on it. They don't agree to do something and then ghost you, right?

If they want it, they're going to prioritize it, which means we sell very differently to a Self Led and Empowered Buyer. The problem is, is that a lot of the tactics that are taught don't actually speak and connect to a self led and empowered buyer. In fact, they repel them. And I want to share another story with you because I think it's really important to give you the other side of it.

Now, what I want to preface is, [00:09:00] is that the tactics that are being taught work. So, you know, the cold outreaches or the cold DMs or the high pressure sales tactics or what might seem like pushy to you or icky or whatnot, right? Uh, false scarcity, FOMO, urgency, all the things that we see out there, they work.

I'm not saying that there's a better than or worse than tactic. I'm saying you have to understand who it is that you're talking to and how they're wired and how they buy. And the nuance of that human so that you can connect to them in a way that actually is in alignment to them and their values, right?

So this isn't about right or wrong, better or worse. Oh my God, I can't believe these people are still doing this. Yada, yada, yada. It's not, not about that. These types of tactics work for certain types of buyers, but when you don't understand your buyer and you're using these tactics, you're actually just repelling people in a lot of ways.

And maybe that's The [00:10:00] tactic in and of itself, like, I'm just gonna blanket cool DM 50 people, and if one person responds, that's my goal. Right? That's fine. But if you're somebody who wants to sell to a self-led and empowered buyer, then I want you to listen up because a lot of the tactics that are being used.

are not efficient. And in fact, they end up repelling people. I want to tell you a bit of a story. And I get these all the time, but this particular one I want to break down for you, again, not from a judgment place, but from a place of just as an example of why this doesn't work for me as a self led and empowered buyer, and why it likely won't work for others.

Um, I had a woman reach out to me in the DMs. She actually liked a bunch of my posts and then within a couple seconds, she had dropped into my DM and sent me a pitch. Now, it wasn't a paid pitch, but it was a free resource that she wanted me to opt into. Now, this particular resource was around how to stop the negative habit, basically, [00:11:00] of snacking on poor nutritional food.

And there was no, Hey, Kathryn, how are you today? I really love what you're doing. None of that. It actually just said, Hey, there with an exclamation mark, and then went straight into, I have this resource to help you, you know, kick the habit of snacking on junk food, basically. And if you're ready to X, Y, and Z the call to action, then download this now, right?

Now. This tactic very well could work for somebody else, and maybe 15 other people responded being like, hell yeah, this is amazing. Why this repels a self led and empowered buyer, in my opinion, are for two reasons. Number one is a self led and empowered buyer knows what they want. knows what type of support and help that they need, and they're gonna go out and get it, right?

So just like the guy that's not into you, they're gonna prioritize seeking out support, [00:12:00] right? Similar to that gentleman who was like, yeah, I'll call, and then never calls. Through his action, right, of saying, I'm going to call, and then I don't call, Through that action, he's showing that that woman that he had met and took the number of, it's not a priority.

I have no desire to actually talk to you any further, like, it's not a priority, right? And that's what that barman was saying to her, was like, if he wanted to be with you, he would pick the phone up and call you, right? I'm not saying that he's not, he's, I'm not saying that. You know, you want to tell someone you're going to do something, and then you don't do it.

I mean, to me, that's out of integrity, but a self led and empowered or independent man or woman, they're going to go after what they want in a lot of ways. And so as a self led empowered buyer, for me, I'm not buying into something because you're pitching me on something, one, without ever getting to know me, without ever getting to understand.

If I'm a snacker, to begin with, right? And I'm not a snacker. I've never been a snacker. I'm not somebody that grabs a bag of chips at night. I don't make popcorn. You know, it's, [00:13:00] it's really out of the norm for me to snack outside of meals. My problem is that I get busy, so busy throughout the day that I actually forget to eat in a lot of ways.

Right? So this particular person reaching out and handing me a resource about how to negatively kick the habit around snacking, actually isn't in alignment with me at all and actually doesn't really speak to the problem that I would typically have, which is forgetting to eat, right? If it was a resource around that, I'd be like, okay, interesting.

She kind of nailed it there, but that's the problem when you cold pitch. You don't actually really get to know the person, what they want, what their goals are. And as a self led buyer, somebody who takes radical responsibility for their life, business, and relationships, they want to, they want, they want precision.

They want to hire somebody that's going to help them in a very focused way. And if you're not taking the time to really understand that person, how can you help them in a focus way? It becomes sort of a cookie cutter approach, a one size fits all, right? And that's not [00:14:00] typically what that high level person wants, because they want precision to achieve the goal that they want, and they're going to hire the person that can help them with precision.

And so that's number one, right? And then the other big one is, is that, When you understand sort of the core wounding or the underlying core trauma of an industry, then you will be a lot more cognizant of how you approach people within that. And I'm not just talking about weight loss. I'm talking about all different industries, right?

They all have some sort of core underlying wound that's, that's deep. And when we're not cautious about that, One, we can traumatize people, right? So if you're not trauma aware, you can traumatize people within that. But two, you're going to really repel people. And this could go across the spectrum, right?

Even, even the not self empowered led buyers, right, can get triggered and [00:15:00] offended. by what it is that you're doing. And if people get triggered, then they're going to say, no, I don't want to work with you or whatnot. Right. And eventually will impact your sales because you're turning people off more than you're turning them on, so to speak.

And the underlying sort of core room around weight in general, there's a lot of shame and inadequacy. And so when you hit somebody up cold, Out of nowhere, without even remotely taking an opportunity to understand who they are, and you hit them with some type of weight loss, there's a lot of shame that you could be stirring up within somebody.

and a lot of inadequacy that, again, you're stirring up within them. And when you stir that shit up within somebody, especially a self led buyer, right, you're going to repel them. But you could also traumatize the person that you're reaching out to. And I get why people do this, right? [00:16:00] The cold outreach, the outbounding.

And if you did a poll, you'd have some people saying, this is how you do it. And others would say, no, this is how you do it. And I'm not here to tell you there's a right or a wrong. I'm just here to share with you how to really understand your people on a more nuanced way. Right? So this particular person that reached out to me, I have no, I will never work with them.

And I say that because, and not from a triggered or judgmental place, it's just that the people that I want to work with take an opportunity to get to know me, they take an opportunity to get to understand me, and they're not going to rush me into anything. And two, I'm likely seeking them out before they ever sought me out.

I already have my eye on people that I want to work with or would love to work with at some point, and I'm not buying into, again, the FOMO, the scarcity and all of those sorts of things. I just don't buy into it because I can see right through it in a lot of ways and I see the tactics for what they are.

And [00:17:00] again, I think somebody who's pretty self aware can see that. So if you're selling to somebody who is self aware and who understands what's sort of going on and can see these sorts of things, again, There's a different method of how you approach them and how you talk to them and how you, and it's not manipulative, right?

It's not trying to figure out, well, how do I talk to this person? Again, somebody who's self led and empowered and wants to work with somebody who can really support them on this deeper level. wants a co creation and a partnership more than anything. They're not hiring someone to tell them what to do because they're accountable for what they do, right?

They, they want somebody that can support them in expanding in who they already are, and likely, point out some of the blind spots that they're maybe not seeing already. So back to sort of the analogy of the, he's not that into you. I know I've broken [00:18:00] this down a few times, but again, when we talk about the different types and levels of consciousness and the buyers that are, that fall within that, right?

You want to think about when you know, you know, those are your self led empower buyers. Those are the ones that are trusting their intuition. They're following their intuition and they're not buying into a lot of the strategies and tactics. Like I just said, I'm talking cold outreach. I'm talking DMing somebody and then following up six times with them and being like, Hey, have you had a chance to listen to my voice note or whatever?

I had a gentleman drop into my inbox. I want to say 10 times over a period of a seven day period. Like if I haven't responded to the first email, second, third, fourth, fifth, tenth, I'm probably not responding. And for me, that is old school tactics in a lot of ways. And as collective consciousness starts to elevate, more rapidly, a lot of these tactics are going to fall away.

I'm not saying that they're following [00:19:00] falling away yet because they're still working, but I am saying that they're going to start to fall away. And when you know, you know, we're not buying into that, right? And then you've got your, again, those intellectual thinkers, right? Who have the checklist. Are you meeting and checking all of the boxes?

And we can sort of swing back and forth between that. We can swing back and forth between. When you know, you know, and then that logical brain wanting to justify or find proof, um, that's the checklist. Are you meeting all of the things that I'm looking for? Again, very self led and empowered, right? They already know what they're looking for.

They already know what they want. And a lot of the stuff, like, tons of bonuses, and I'll give you a discount, and if you join today, you'll get a, you know, a free one to one with me. Like, those people are not going to necessarily buy into that, because they are looking for a specific thing, and they want that specific solution, and they don't really care about all of the other bells and sort of [00:20:00] whistles.

Then you've got the hustler, right? Those are the ones that are going to sort of more so latch on to just tell me what to do. I will do anything to make this work, so tell me and I'll work really freaking hard at it. This is where the pendulum sort of swings, right? This is where we see the FOMO, the false scarcity, the step by step, right?

If you just follow these steps, you'll be successful. Those people fall into that camp, right? They're the good students in a lot of ways. They're, you know, again, handing in their assignments on time. They're showing up and they're putting in the work regardless of. Whether or not it feels aligned or not, they'll just do the thing because the mentor or the coach or whatnot is telling them to do that.

And then you've got the people who are really latching onto the person and if you look at the analogy of the he's not that into you, this particular woman was sort of in that energy, right? She was not taking the cues, she wasn't following the cues, but she was sort of obsessively [00:21:00] attaching herself to this person who didn't call her back, or never called her to begin with, took her number, sure, chatted with her briefly in the bar, but never called.

And rather than sort of just let it go, she kind of became a little bit obsessive about it, going, well, why didn't he call? I'm going to show up at the bar, I'm going to return his pen, and I'm going to kind of sit there, and then I'm going to question why he didn't call. Well, he didn't call because he's not that into you, right?

Which is, again, Not a shame thing not to put people down. It's just that he he's not into you. And the same is true for your dream clients in a lot of ways, right? You might have a bunch of dream clients out there, but it could be a timing thing. Again, relationships are very similar, right? You could meet somebody on a train on a holiday.

And then it just be poor timing or maybe you meet somebody right after a breakup and you're like, this person has all of the things I've ever been looking for on paper, but it's [00:22:00] just not the right time. Or maybe you're getting ready to go on a year long trip around the world and you meet somebody two days before you're going.

Poor timing. The same is true for your ideal customers. In a lot of ways, they might come into your world and might be, you know, overhauling their life, or maybe something's happened in their world, they're like, I can't prioritize this right now. Again, the key word is priority. If people want something, they're going to prioritize it.

If people want something, they're going to prioritize it. This is my belief. And if they don't, it's not going to work. And the same is true for growing a business. The same is too true for a relationship, right? If you don't prioritize your marriage, what's going to happen to that? If you don't prioritize your business, what's going to happen to the business, right?

We've got to put Things into priority, which is I think where people kind of go sideways a lot of the times too, because we don't have the priority. We don't know what we're sort of [00:23:00] working towards. Maybe we don't even know what the focus is. And so I go back to sort of that, you know, the latching on, right?

Like you're my soulmate. You're my perfect match. You're, you're my soulmate. You know, every, you're my missing half, so to speak. That's that level one, right? It's like, they're looking for somebody to complete them in a lot of ways and therefore latching on to that person or anybody, right? It's sometimes it isn't necessarily the, the aligned fit.

They're just latching on to the person that's showing them attention. And this is where a lot of the marketing. Falls into, right? I will just give you all of the attention in the world. I'm going to hit you with a bunch of ads. I'm going to hit you with a bunch of emails. I'm going to throw bonuses and tell you how amazing you are, how brilliant you'll be once you figure out X, Y, and Z.

And I'm going to DM you and I'm going to show you attention. And that's where the level ones will latch onto that. And that's where a lot of the marketing lives, right? You're missing this out. and I'm here to save you and [00:24:00] rescue you with this secret sauce over here. The self led and empowered buyers see right through that.

They're like, I already know that I can get to where I want to go on my own or with my team of people I already have, but I want to hire this expert or this specialist that can support me in getting there faster. The level ones, are like, I need to find someone to save me, to complete me. I have, there's something within me that's missing.

And so I'm going to look outside of myself to find the thing, right? And when you're secure within yourself, when you've got that security within yourself, is it again, self led, right? You've got that security, that stability, you know who you are, you know what you want. It doesn't matter about the shiny objects out there in La La Land, you know, hit with all the bells and whistles going off.

It's really noisy out there. The internet's a noisy place. You can, it's so [00:25:00] easy to tune that out because it doesn't even matter. It's almost like it's vibrating at a totally different energy. You don't even see it anymore. And that's that, like, radio frequency thing that I talk about, right? It's like, if you're on channel one, The channel four isn't even hearing channel one because they're vibrating at a totally different frequency.

Same goes for two and three, right? And so you have to think about that when you were thinking about how to talk to people and how to sell to them in a lot of ways so that you don't repel the people that you want to work with. And again, If, if your people are in level one, that's awesome. And that's great and use the strategies that will work for them.

But if your people are in the three and a four, a lot of what's being taught tactically doesn't work. And if you're putting out their vibration of level one and level two, and what it is that you're doing, you're naturally going to [00:26:00] start to pull in those misaligned clients and the clients that, can have like a fixed mindset, or an all or nothing, or I'm right and you're wrong, right?

Level fours have the ability to see both sides. They have the ability to, or all sides, I won't even say both sides, it's all sides. They have the ability to see, Truth in everything, really, right? That your truth is truth, and my truth is truth, even if that truth is different, right? That level four has that openness and that expansiveness to go, that's cool if you want to do that, and that's cool if you want to do that, and there isn't really that cookie cutter.

It's about following your own individual path and understanding that we're all different in a lot of ways. But the Level 1s and the Level 2s, it's really about there's a right and a wrong way to do something. And that if you don't do it right, you run the risk of X, Y, and Z. And it's a lot of deficit, right?

It's a lot of what's missing in your world, in your life, and here are the things that will [00:27:00] help fulfill that. The Level 4 is the type of person that's kind of like, I feel whole and complete with or without a man. And if somebody comes along and can enhance my life, cool. But if they're not going to enhance my life, then I don't have time for it.

And if you think about that analogy back to He's Not That Into You, that woman that walks into the bar with the pen, if, if she was sitting from that place of wholeness, right? And I know it's a movie, but I think we can probably all think of times maybe when we've done this ourselves, or we have friends who have done it, right?

When we're coming from that place of wholeness, we never even would have gone into the bar the second time with the pen looking for the guy. You didn't call me? You're, you're lost in a lot of ways, right? Like, I know who I am, and I know I'm good shit, and I know I have a lot to bring to the table, and I'm not going to sacrifice or settle for anything less.

That's your level four. Those are radical responsibility for their life and their choices, and they don't have space [00:28:00] for things that they have to settle for or people that are don't align with their values in a lot of ways and whatnot. So I wanted to share that analogy with you because again, I've heard a lot of conversations out there about like cool DMing and icky sales tactics.

And I know that if you're following me, you're likely heart led. And usually when you're heart led, we can shy away from selling because we don't. By we do not want to do any of those tactics. And so we just don't do anything because it's like it's easier to just maybe not do anything then. at all fall into that camp of being icky or pushy.

But on the last week's episode, I shared with you how asking for what you want isn't pushy or icky, right? And part of that is really getting clear on what you stand for, what you're available for, and what you will and won't tolerate. And again, not from a right or wrong place, not like, well, if you don't do this, then you don't fall into, you know, [00:29:00] Like, I'm not tolerating you.

It's just honoring who you are and your boundaries from a very loving and compassionate place, right? Like, I will share with you what, like, I just don't tolerate, right? I don't tolerate somebody who's not going to meet me 50 50. I'm not chasing people if they don't want to work with me, right? Because I'm of the belief that if you want to work with me, you'll prioritize it.

And if now's not the right time, That's cool, right? I'm not trying to convince you that now should be the right time. I trust that the people that come into my world and want to work with me know their own timing, right? As a self led empowered buyer, you know your timing, you know what you want to prioritize, you know where you want to go and how you want to get there in a lot of ways, but you're looking for people that can support you to get there faster.

Those are the people that I work with. So, That's the boundary that I'm setting. That's the standard that I'm setting. And that's what I'm holding energetically, right? So I don't chase people. I'm not DMing, cold DMing [00:30:00] people, like selling them. I'm not reaching out all the time and trying to get people to buy and using high pressure sales tactics.

I use none of that in my process because I don t believe that self led empowered buyers buy that way. And so, and it s worked for me, right, because the people that do come into my world have this level of self awareness that to me is beyond anything that I ve seen, in the, in the work that I ve done, right?

I have Bye. The most amazing clients that come into my world and I say this date, there's days that I will pinch myself and go, Oh my gosh, like I have the most amazing clients. Now that doesn't mean that I don't hit challenges and obstacles either, where I might have someone come into my world that I thought was in a line fit.

who ended up not being, right? Again, it's, this isn't perfect scenario, but for the most part, I have the most amazing clients, um, who I know I can truly support with the work that I do. And it's because I've set these sort of boundaries, but then I've also held them in [00:31:00] the face of all of this, right? In, in the relationship building phase, I can spot through language patterns, through the way people talk, the way people say things, I can spot exactly where they are on that spectrum, like almost instantaneously.

And that was the conversation I was having with a client recently, um, in our private chat was, you know, she was sending me some, some screenshots of a conversation. She's like, what are you spotting here? And I was pulling out patterns, right? I was pulling out the patterns of conversation. And I said, this is what this is, right?

When someone's saying, you don't, you shouldn't do this, that implies there's a right or wrong, right? It's a very sort of dominating, I'm right, you're wrong sort of verbiage and language, or I can't do this because I don't do things at this time, which is great. People can state what they want, but when you're looking to set up a conversation to have a call about, um, working together, and [00:32:00] it's very, very, very rigid, or, you know, sort of set in stone, it's my way or the highway, you have to come meet me all the way on my side, or I'm not doing this.

That's a one sided partnership, right? It's like having a one sided relationship. One sided relationships don't tend to work out very well, right? Or looking for language of whether or not someone can be adaptable and move with change and be flexible, right? That's a big one that I look for in language patterns when people come into my world.

If there's a rigidity around schedule, or rigidity around just things in general, and that the notion of change, or a change in schedule, a change in time, or, you know, All of that, if people can't navigate that, I look for that. And the reason for that is because I'm, I'm one of the most flexible people, right?

I just, that's how I navigate my life. But the other piece of this is, is that they're [00:33:00] the only constant is change. And if we're not nimble and adaptable in business, we will really struggle, right? If we're trying to control every scenario and every little thing in our business, we will struggle. And so I look for that in my cross qualification.

I'm looking for that in conversations. I'm not just having a conversation with someone to get them on a call and sell them. I'm qualifying them in the conversation, and I'm spotting patterns very quickly. And if they aren't aligned, I'm steering them in another direction. Because I know that our partnership won't be beneficial for both parties.

This isn't, again, just about me judging somebody else's patterns. It's about me going, I know from a partnership perspective, this won't be a thriving partnership. And so, I'm I redirect. And I think that's really important, really important from a sales perspective and really watching language patterns, but then also [00:34:00] utilizing those language patterns in your own communication and in the way that you share, right?

Which is why it's so, so important to live your message. It's so, so important to be yourself. Be The Message. It's so, so important to share the nuance of the way in which you work. And by nuance, I mean like getting really, really clear on your values and your beliefs and your own thought patterns and your own ways of showing up and the, and how you navigate the world and all of the lessons you've learned that can really showcase who you are on a nuance level, what happens below the surface, what's happening on the inside, right?

Not bad. The surface level stuff, which is why I often say that surface level messaging is a recipe for disaster in a lot of ways, because it's generalized. And what ends up happening when we have that generalized message, I'll help you make 10K in 30 days, or I'll help you lose 50 pounds in 30 days, is that you're, really communicating that and casting a wide net with mass [00:35:00] appeal.

The problem is, is that the language isn't specific enough, meaning you're bound to attract people that are not going to be a right fit based on values, beliefs, and all of that. And when we clash on a value perspective, that's what makes a partnership very, very difficult. And this isn't just true for business.

This is true for life, right? If your values and your beliefs, clash, it can make the relationship quite difficult. Now, I'm not saying that having differences of opinions and ideas and all of that is a bad thing. I'm saying that when you don't align on a value based and the way in which you sort of navigate and level of consciousness, that will make the relationship difficult.

For example, if I'm somebody who's very fluid and adaptable and nimble, and I'm, I don't really have rigid, like, schedules or structures, or if somebody gets sick and we have to reschedule something, like, I'm all about taking care of people's [00:36:00] wellness and all those sorts of things, but then there's somebody that's very rigid in their schedule, and the minute a change happens to it, it's There's an outburst of some sort.

I don't navigate, like, I can navigate that and I can, you know, show compassion and care, but that's not, it's not in alignment with me because it's not how I function in my life, right? And so that's going to happen in my world. There's going to be change. And if there's anything, I'm looking for that resiliency, the ability to adapt to change and adapt to change quickly.

That's what I'm looking for, right? And. If that's not happening, then I know that there's going to be a lot of friction, and I'm probably not the best mentor or guide for the person. So, I will redirect in a lot of ways, but this is what's really, really important, and Again, it's about reading the room in a lot of ways.

And I come back to the dating analogy, right? As reading the room. If somebody says they're going to call you and they don't read the room, right? [00:37:00] Because I know 10 times out of 10, if I say I'm going to do something and I want to actually prioritize it, I will do it. And if I don't, then it's not a priority.

And therefore, after the second follow up with me, you don't need to follow up because I, I'm not interested. And it doesn't mean I'm not interested ever. I'm just not interested right now. And so that is my whole premise there, right? I had someone recently asked me. Well, why don't you take payments on the call?

And I said, because again, from a self led buying perspective, I am of the mind that if somebody says they're going to do something, and they don't follow through on it, that for me is a sign of incongruency with their actions and what they say they're going to do. And again, that's a standard that I hold very, very high.

That if you say you're going to do something and your [00:38:00] actions don't back it, then we're probably not a good fit because I'm somebody who is about walking your talk. That's a big part of the work that I do and that's the very first phase that we work on inside of Spellbound is like, really how to ground in and embody the message, the offer, what it is that you do, how you do it, what makes it unique.

It's about embodiment first and foremost. And then we work on implementing strategy and, and the tactical side of things, and then putting that stuff into words. But for me, it starts with embodiment. And it starts with being an integrity to your word. And when you start to clean up a lot of this stuff, you will start to notice a lot of the friction and the resistance sort of melt away, because you will no longer be operating out of integrity.

And again, I'm not Perfect. I just want to really, really preface that. I'm not perfect in any way, shape or form. There's many times where I'm not incongruent in my life. I shared my story about my brick and mortar, you know, saying yes [00:39:00] to that venture when my heart knew that it wasn't the right step for me.

But I said yes anyways, right? I'm not a perfect being, but this, as we run our businesses and as we do what we do. We have a role and an assignment in a lot of ways to be an integrity to our word. And the more we can drop into that and get really sort of clean with that, the more opportunities and aligned opportunities will start to come into our into our world.

But yeah, It's also looking and watching that being mirrored back to you in a lot of ways, because the more I up level, the more I grow and the more I expand, the more I start to see things shift in my outer world. And again, it's really understanding you at a core level and who you are and what drives you, but also, really understanding the people that you're wanting to connect with.

And the more you expand and the more you grow, so too will the people around you and also shift in who it is that you're [00:40:00] wanting to work with and maybe not work with. So again, not from a judgment place or being right or wrong, or those people are the worst and these people are the best. Like it's not about that.

It's about who are you here to really support and serve and to get really, really clear on who that is so that, you can match not only yourself energetically, but also the language and the strategies that you use. So with that, I hope that that episode has been beneficial for you and supportive in really getting clear on how to connect with your people, but how to understand them on a deeper level.

And then also how to read the room when it comes to People that are showing up and showing you who they are in a lot of ways and communicating to you in a way and going is that the type of person I want to work with? Does this person fit within what it is that I'm doing? And are they walking their talk and being an integrity to their word and congruent with their beliefs and values?

So with that, I hope you have a fab day. And of course, [00:41:00] If this has been helpful, pop over to Insta at CreativelyOwned and shoot me a message. I'd love to hear from you. Cheers. Thanks for listening. We'll see you right back here next time. You can also find us on social media at CreativelyOwned and online at CreativelyOwned.

com. Until next time, keep showing up as your authentic self.