How to Stop Giving Your Power Away as a Client and How to Stop Taking Responsibility for Your Clients’ Transformations

INTRO: After generating over a million dollars in sales and selling one of her businesses with a single email, your host, Kathryn Thompson, takes an unconventional approach to marketing and sales. So if you're ready to tap into a more powerful way to be seen, heard, and a sought after entrepreneur in your industry, without having to spend endless hours marketing your business and chasing clients, you're in the right place. Be The Sought After Entrepreneur Podcast is here to help you ditch the cookie cutter, one size fits all approach to marketing and use your unique energy to effortlessly attract the most aligned clients. When you do this, you can spend less time marketing your business and more time doing your soul work and enjoying the richness of your life. Welcome to Be The Sought After Entrepreneur Podcast. And here's your host, Kathryn Thompson.

Kathryn Thompson: Hey, hey, Superstar Theatre in this week's episode. I cannot wait to dive in today's [00:01:00] topic because I want to talk about the essence of responsibility and more so radical responsibility and really taking that for your life and your business. Because I know that if you're an empathetic person and you are in a service based business and you are supporting others, it can be really tough sometimes to know where the line is where With your responsibility and where the line lies with their responsibility, it gets really blurry, uh, at least it does for me or has for me.

And it's something that I have continually integrated into my business and into my marketing and my. Sales in order to really set the stage and the expectation for what it is that I deliver, but ultimately what's my responsibility and what is my client's responsibility. And I think that when we get really clear on this, then.

we will change sort of the essence of our [00:02:00] relationships with our clients. And if you're feeling like in your business right now that maybe you've got some clients that you feel like are putting a lot of responsibility on you in terms of the work that you're doing, and maybe you find yourself overcompensating just to sort of appease and keep those clients happy.

Or maybe you are questioning. what can I actually quote unquote promise I can deliver because I can't actually guarantee them anything. Like nothing is certain, nothing is guaranteed and yet in marketing we're supposed to quote unquote have these promises where we guarantee something, we guarantee a transformation and that is really hard because if the person doesn't show up and do the work, if the person, you know, doesn't actually get them because they get into the, the experience and, you know, something happens maybe in their personal life, like there's so many things that can be at play here that impact what the results are that people [00:03:00] sort of walk away with.

And it's why I'm such a huge proponent of being in integrity and ethical with the promises that you make, but also being really transparent in the sales process in order to really set the expectations of what it is that Is entailed in this relationship and really getting clear on those expectations.

And I want to share a story with you from years ago when I was predominantly doing copywriting and I had a long term copywriting client. It was a 12 month retainer and we had been working together and she had been getting Epic results. I was doing a bit of copy, but also a bit of coaching. And so there were lots of different things at play here, but she was getting really epic results.

But then of course, like in business and anything, there were months that things didn't really go according to plan, or she started to feel herself wanting to sort of pivot, evolve, and expand. And [00:04:00] so With that expansion and with that evolution, of course, the process can feel slow. Sometimes it can be feel frustrating.

It could feel like nothing is moving. So over this 12 month period, like I said, she was getting epic results. We had a really lovely partnership. So I thought, and I got compliments all the time from her. And so I never thought in a million years there was ever anything wrong with the partnership because it was never ever communicated otherwise.

So I know that it's really easy sometimes to question yourself. Am I doing a good enough job? Do they actually really like what I'm doing? Oh my gosh, I just delivered this email and what if they don't like it and they hate it and all the things. And nowhere in our relationship Was it ever expressed to me that there was any dissatisfaction with the services that were being provided?

And where this story goes is, is a You know, a turmoil between [00:05:00] responsibility and a turmoil between, you know, expectation and a turmoil between what is my responsibility? What is their responsibility when it comes to selling a service? Whether you're selling marketing and sales support, whether you're selling energetic healing, whether you're helping women, you know, with fertility issues, whatever it might be, whatever you're supporting people with, there, there has to be some really clear expectation around what's your responsibility and what's not.

So, long story short is, is, Like in the later part of the year of us working together, I started feeling the pull to want to pivot and transition my business. I wanted to veer away from offering just one to one copywriting and having copywriting retainers. That was the primary essence of my business, and I wanted to shift from doing that to [00:06:00] to offering Spellbound.

And so it was in the fall of the year that I launched Spellbound and I was like, you know, I'm making this shift. This is what's happening. This is the direction I'm going. And it's never an easy conversation to have with a long term retainer client who's been on retainer with you and has probably this expectation that this partnership is just going to continue to go.

And hard part about Articulating that you want to change and you want to make a pivot is, of course, you don't want to let other people down. And that's a battle that I have definitely endured in many, many decisions in my life because it's, you're always sort of looking at the person or people that you might be letting down, aka selling my store.

right? It's like, I might be letting my customers down. I might be letting my partners down, right? You're always sort of looking at somebody else and their happiness and keeping them comfortable. At least that's been my journey in a lot of ways. And what I know to be [00:07:00] true is, is that if we stay longer in things that aren't really for us anymore, then We only end up doing a disservice to ourselves, but also to the people that we have made a commitment to, because our heart isn't in it anymore.

And if your heart isn't in it anymore, then you are doing a disservice to them, even though it might be an uncomfortable conversation to have. And so I had this conversation well in advance, I had it in early, Early fall, September, and I said, this is what's happening. I'm making the transition, and you have until sort of the end of January to decide if you wanna sort of move in the direction of the where I'm going.

I'm, I'm happy to continue to support you inside of Spellbound. I'm happy to continue to support you in this area, but I'm not gonna be doing. long term retainer writing for people, let's just say. Or at least not that many people, that being their primary, my primary focus. And so what I wanted to do was make Spellbound the [00:08:00] focus in that moment.

And for me, it's really important because to me, where your attention sort of goes, the energy will flow there. If your attention is all over the place, And I'm not saying that you can't be multi passionate. I'm not saying you can't have a bunch of different ideas. What I'm saying is, is that for me, I need to be focused on where I want to go and give myself the time to be able to achieve what it is I want to achieve.

And then if I want to add different things in or pivot or whatever, I can absolutely do that. So Anyways, I had communicated to my clients who I was working with Retainer and I said, you know what, I'm making this shift. Like if you want to move with me in that shift, that would be amazing. And if you don't, that's totally cool too.

I absolutely respect that because it's different than what we had originally agreed on. And I had given them you know, almost five months notice, which is well longer than any notice we've ever had to give in corporate, right? I think [00:09:00] two weeks is usually the minimum. Um, I often always gave my corporate career people two weeks.

At least a month, sometimes longer. Um, obviously if they wanted me out the door earlier than that, uh, which never ever happened, but I always gave people well enough notice that things were shifting. So, anyways, I made that communication. Again, the partnership was still lovely. We had some very beautiful interactions.

I had these lovely screenshots in October and November of how the things we talked about and we were implementing were working and she was seeing all of this, you know, beautiful people coming into our world and sales happening and she was just so grateful and all the sorts of things. And then as we sort of neared the end of our partnership, She made the decision that it wasn't in alignment for her to move in the direction that I was going, which was absolutely kosher.

But what was shocking was [00:10:00] I received some communication once our partnership was over that, you know, she was never really satisfied with the experience. Um, she wasn't satisfied with the partnership. She felt like I didn't really support her over the 12 months. Um, even though. I had received many, many, many, many screenshots and many, many, many forms of communication from her indicating how satisfied she was.

At no point in a 12 month period did I ever, ever, ever receive any form of communication that she wasn't satisfied. So it took me as a bit of a shock and it took, it kind of set me back a bit because I was like, Whoa, you know, I was like, I was not expecting it. And I'm not saying this or sharing this to shame this person or make them bad or anything like that.

I get transition and change is difficult. I get, we all come with our own sort [00:11:00] of way of navigating the world and way of communicating and all of those sorts of things. I'm sharing this because for twofold, number one is If you're a client in that position where maybe you've been in a position where you haven't expressed your dissatisfaction or whatnot with maybe a service or a delivery or whatever it might be, and that sort of bubbled up, bubbled up, bubbled up, bubbled up, and then eventually It was sort of unleashed at some point and maybe not in the best way or maybe not in the most constructive way.

Um, and I'm going to share with you what I mean by this. Then this is going to be really helpful for you. And two, if you're a coach, a mentor, a service provider, and you're sitting there, you've been on the receiving end of this, and you're wondering, what did I do wrong? How can I fix it? You know, maybe you're overcompensating.

I want this to be sort of a learning for you as well because I want to [00:12:00] share with you ultimately what is your responsibility and what isn't your responsibility when it comes to your relationships with your coaching clients or whoever that you're working with. So let's start with the client side of things, right?

Because I think at some point we can all admit that we've received maybe service or something that we weren't satisfied with, right? I know I've been there whether it be, you know, a hotel experience or a restaurant experience or whatever it might be where you're like, huh, that wasn't quite what I expected or wasn't quite what I thought I was receiving.

And I want you to know that that is absolutely okay. So for my client at that point, for her to be not satisfied in something, right, or dissatisfied with the experience, she has, she's ever has every right to have that feeling. But what I'm going to unpack here is, is that. That was never expressed, right?

There was many, many, many, many [00:13:00] communications. And I'm talking like tens and 20 emails, screenshots of like how amazing the experience is, how amazing I am. I'm such a genius. Oh my God, this is the best investment I ever made. Like these are screenshots that I've received, video recordings of, uh, testimonials that I received.

So I'm sharing this because. I don't know from her perspective what was sort of going on internally, because at that point, when I received that communication, our relationship was, was done, the partnership was done. It had come to an, to an end. And so I just acknowledge that. I said, you're absolutely entitled to how you feel, but I see things very, very differently, specifically around things like I wasn't satisfied.

I didn't quite, you know, get what I thought I was going to get out of it and you didn't really provide me support beyond March of that year, which wasn't accurate at all, given the fact that we had [00:14:00] many, many, like eight one to one calls, there was group calls, there was lots of, um, feedback and delivery within the experience.

So, um, I'm, I'm sharing this with you because this particular retainer like I said, was in this experience with me for a 12 month period. And long story short is that communication, like I said, I was like, there was a lot of inaccuracies in terms of factual information that was shared. Like I didn't attend any calls with you after the fact because I just didn't feel like I was getting anything out of it, that sort of thing, which wasn't accurate.

And I'm sharing this because. When we can see the communication for what it is, and when we can separate ourselves from it, and when we can make it not be about us, right, as the coach or the mentor receiving it, then we can start to really see it for what [00:15:00] it is. Maybe it's fear, maybe it was frustration and dissatisfaction bubbling up over the year that was never shared, right?

Maybe there were things there. Um, absolutely. But if you're a client and you're providing people with feedback, we really need to sort of sit with that for a moment. I'm not saying hold it, I'm not saying not share it, but we've got to really make sure that when we are delivering feedback that it's constructive.

That is the one thing that I have coached CEOs through, I have coached managers and VPs and directors through, um, because the way in which you deliver the feedback and the way in which you express it is ultimately going to be an impact, the person that's receiving it for sure. But if you want it to actually be constructive, it's got to be done in a constructive way.

And so if you are saying things that are [00:16:00] actually factually not true, like you didn't support me for the rest of the year after March, and I didn't attend any of your calls, when we had many, many one to one calls since, there's an absolute inaccuracy there, right? And so that inaccuracy from the person receiving it, they're not going to take it.

Some will take it, absolutely, right? But I was like, I'm not taking this. This isn't my responsibility to take on because this actually factually isn't true. So when you're giving feedback, we've got to really make sure are you giving feedback from a place of love and care and compassion Are you giving feedback from a place of, we're on the same team here.

I'm not in opposition to you. I'm not trying to fight you. I'm not trying to battle you. I'm not trying to tear you down. I'm not trying to make me right and you wrong. We've got to sort of identify the energy in which we're delivering that feedback and get to sort of the root of what it is you want to share.

Because when we make it about the person and we make it [00:17:00] attack on the person, like there's something wrong with that person, I'm going to prove you wrong in what I'm saying. It'll never be received well, and it'll never be received in the way that you hoped it to be received, right? And so you also can't fluff it up with like some compliments on the front end and some compliments on the back end.

We all see that and that was, that was trained. I don't know who, who made that training, um, because I think that the whole essence of the middle piece of it was missed, right? It was like, I'm going to fluff it up and tell you how great you are at what you do, but here's the things I'm not satisfied with.

And oh, by the way, you're amazing. Like when we make it personal, it'll never be received in the way you hoped it to be, which is constructive. And if you are leading with your heart in that. You want it to be constructive because you're on the same team. You're a partnership, right? When you hire a coach, when you hire a mentor, you're in partnership with them.

You're on the same team. This [00:18:00] isn't an us versus them. This isn't you said this and you said this and you said this. This is a team. And it's like having team members in your business. They're a team, and when we can start to look at our coaches and mentors like that, we stop looking at them as, I'm paying you, deliver what you said.

Like, there's nothing great about that energy. And yes, we can be frustrated that our business, our life, our relationships, our love, whatever, isn't where we want it to be. We can absolutely be frustrated. That's a valid emotion. We can be angry, we can be frustrated. But are you frustrated with the person that you're sitting across from who's actually trying to help you?

Are you frustrated with your situation in your scenario? Two very different things, right? Two very different things. So when we make the criticism, criticism personal, and when we come at it from an attack to the human, that's actually probably there just to help you. And I'm not saying everybody is this way.

[00:19:00] I'm not saying every coach and mentor is, but I'm talking about the good ones, right? Which there are lots and lots and lots and lots of good people out there doing good work. So that's what I'm talking about. And I know that I stand in the work that I do, and I know that I stand in that I'm here to support, and I'm a hell of a good mentor, and I'm a hell of a good coach, and I've got years of mastery, and I'm here to really support people.

Like, ultimately, that is what I'm here to be of service to others. And so, to receive attack on character and attack on the, and very personal attack on your character can really set people back. And I have seen people leave and go, this isn't worth it for me. Right? So I'm sharing this because twofold, like I said, if you're a client and you're wanting to provide feedback to a coach or a mentor or whatever, then I really want you to set I want you to sit in it.

Don't get hot fingers and send it [00:20:00] off in that heated emotion. I want you to sit with it and I want you to unpack what it is that you're frustrated about so that you can provide constructive feedback or just feedback in general. Hey, you know what? This isn't working. This, I've tried it for six months and it's just not quite working.

Like, What are your suggestions? Right? Or what is, what do you think about this? Right? So it's not this attack on like, Hey, we're working together and you said to do this, this, this, and this, and I did it. It's not working. That brings me to my point number two is, which is the coach. Right? Because I think a lot of coaches who are heart centered, heart led want to take on a lot and the responsibility gets really blurred.

And so this is again two fold for the coach and the client. As a client, your coach is 100 percent not responsible for your life. Your business, your results, what you create with it. They are [00:21:00] not responsible for that. So if you're frustrated that you don't have the results that you want, then it's time to go inward and look internally why that's happening.

Stop giving your power to the coach that you're sitting in front of a front of to solve, fix, heal, whatever it is. It's a 50 50 partnership. Right? Partnerships aren't healthy when there's a dominance in it, right? Where one person's dragging somebody up the mountain, or one person's trying to fix or fill a void in somebody else, or when somebody else is overcompensating, and I've done that, you know, it can be hard sometimes to sit and watch somebody be frustrated without wanting to jump in and overcompensate.

It's a skill as a coach, a mentor, a consultant, that you really need to cultivate and embody. And I've had to do this, right? I've had to do this because to sit in the emotion of frustration and not want to [00:22:00] immediately try to rescue or save is a skill, especially when you're empathetic. So I'm sharing this because it isn't, we need to start taking responsibility for our own life, our own business.

It doesn't mean we don't hire people for support. Absolutely we do. But as a coach and a service provider, it's really vital that we get clear on what is ours and what is not ours, because what I see is a lot of people burning out, and they're burning out because They're in client relationships that the capacity in which they're sitting in, they're trying to take on too much.

Again, I've been there. I've burnt out in that, right? Trying to overcompensate. So it's getting really, really, really clear on what am I taking on that isn't mine and is not my responsibility. It is not your responsibility to motivate your clients. [00:23:00] It is not your responsibility to hold your clients accountable.

Sure. You can if you want to, sure, but it's not your responsibility. A hundred percent not your responsibility. You cannot be more accountable for your client's life, business, relationships than they are. Because it will never work. They will never be satisfied if you're having to hold them accountable, and the minute that you're not there, then they can't do it.

That's not sovereignty. That's not empowerment. That's not literally giving people their power back and going, Hey, stop giving me your power. I'm sharing, like I said, this story not to shame or to point people out or to whatever, because I've been the client or customer where I've, I've been frustrated and probably not delivered the best feedback.

I've been the brunt of that, right? [00:24:00] I've been the coach that wanted to keep everybody happy, so would try to mitigate things by overcompensating. All of that leads to is burnout for sure on a coach's end, or a consultant's end, or a service provider's end. Likely breeds frustration, maybe resentment. all of those sorts of things, but what part are you playing in this, right?

What part are you playing in clients not taking ownership of their own life and radical responsibility? What part are you playing in that partnership and relationship? Because similarly, we want to detach it. We want to say, Oh, that's wasn't me. Like, how dare they say that? The thing that I did when I received that email from that client was I said, where did I contribute in the last 12 months to overcompensating to a point that was ultimately not, not recognized or whatnot, right?

In the frustration that came up in a, like a rise throughout the year, which it did, right? When [00:25:00] results aren't happening, frustration can arise, but the frustration was never directed at me, right? But what did I do? I overcompensated. Oh, we'll just give you another one to one call, or let's just jump on another call.

Or, you know, because my, my tendency was I'm uncomfortable in your frustration. And had I not, and set really clear boundaries and really clear expectations and really clear expectation around what is mine and what is not mine in terms of responsibility. I guarantee you the email likely never would have come 12 months later.

So we too need to take ownership and unpack our own dynamic in the relationship and the partnership. If we don't like the relationships and the partnerships that we're attracting into our lives, then We have to unpack why, and we have to unpack what we want to change as a result. That doesn't mean that we don't have standards and we, and we just, you know, put up [00:26:00] with shit.

That's not what this means, but this is all a beautiful learning lesson in so many different ways when it comes to client relationships and what to sort of identify in in those relationships, like the love bombing, you're the best, you're a genius, you're amazing, you're the best thing that ever happened to me, you're the best investments I've ever made, I can't believe this.

Some of that, sure, I'm sure in the excitement, people get excited and they want to share that. But to me, that's a love bombing. That's very, very, it's like, you're the best, you're the best thing that ever happened to me. And then in a, flip of a dime, like you're the worst thing that happened to me, right?

That's a love bombing scenario in my opinion to, you know, maybe not as severe as others, but it's like to be able to look at language and to be able to look at behavior and go, what am I available for? And now when clients say things like, I can't wait to prove you proud, you know, I'll say to them, Don't do this for me, [00:27:00] right?

I'll say things like that to set the tone, but also to put the responsibility back and also shift the responsibility back to them. You aren't doing this to prove me proud. You're not doing this to get a gold star. You're not doing this for me to tell you you're right. Like, that's not how it works. You're not winning a prize because I'm giving you this prize, like there's not a prize to be won here, you know, and so it's shifting those things back, but it's getting really good at spotting them.

Doesn't mean people are bad or terrible clients or anything like that. Everybody that I've ever worked with is phenomenal, but we all come with our own lived in life experiences that are, you know, when we develop these coping mechanisms, or we develop these behaviors because of what we've gone through in life, and it doesn't make someone right or wrong.

It doesn't make them good or bad. That's all bullshit, right? What it does is, and I, and I want to, say that really honestly because I think there's a lot of rhetoric out there that's like, Oh, terrible clients, terrible, da, da, da, da, da, whatever. And I get it, right? There can be clients that drain you [00:28:00] for sure.

But why are you allowing them to drain you? Because whenever I've been in scenarios where I'm like, Oh, this, you know, I feel like there's, it's a very one sided partnership. Let's just say I'm having to pull someone up, someone up a mountain. Well, why am I doing that? I have to take ownership of that, right?

And so anytime I've had anything like that in my business, I'm shifting it, right? I'm getting really clear on what I'm available for and what I'm not. It's all learning. And then I shift it, and then it changes. And so the same is true for you, whether you're a client in an experience. And or you're a coach or service provider and you're sitting in it and you're feeling burnt out because not because of the work that you do, but potentially who you do it with, or it's just, there's some disconnect there.

And oftentimes I say it comes down to taking on too much responsibility, taking on too much of the frustration, being uncomfortable when clients are struggling and not knowing how to navigate that and really not knowing, uh, [00:29:00] what to do with it and therefore you try to people please you try to over give and all the things and then you end up just completely being burnt out.

So I really hope that this episode has been helpful. I hope it's giving you some insight and I hope it's allowing you to sort of walk away going, Huh, I'm going to sort of unpack these things because we are the creators of our reality. And if we're in a relationship that isn't fulfilling to us, let's get real about it.

If we're in, you know, partnerships with clients, let's get real about it. If we've got team members that we're not really jiving with, let's get, let's unpack that and not from a critical place, not from a place of they're bad or wrong or terrible people or they suck or whatever, right? Like, let's be mindful where we're judging the human that you're sitting across from and be judging them for their Way of showing up because as you saw throughout this podcast, you know, I said, I was the customer at some point that probably sent feedback [00:30:00] off to somebody like a hotel or a restaurant and it wasn't done.

And maybe the best light, you know, I'm human. I'm going to own that, right? I'm not sitting here going. Oh, I would never send a frustrating email to somebody. Like, to say I would never do something, we're human, right? We make mistakes, and we don't always articulate and express in the best light, but I wanted to record this episode and share this with you and this story because It is shocking when we get feedback that we think is unwarranted, but in the same breath, it's such a deep learning when we, when that, these things happen to us, and when we can unpack that and really walk away with it.

And for me, I walked away from that experience going, I know very clearly right now. What my responsibility is and what it isn't, but I also know what I did throughout that 12 months to overcompensate and over deliver that I'll never do again, [00:31:00] right, that I will look at and go, you know what, I'm going to do the work on myself to get really comfortable sitting in front of somebody who's in their fields and not even come from a place of pure neutrality, where I'm not bothered by it, and that I'm not here to rescue or save.

So I will sit and listen to the frustration. I will sit and listen to all of it, but I'm not going to take it on as my own. And I'm not going to take it on as my fault that they're frustrated in their business because they're not getting the results they want. Because at the end of the day, we are a hundred percent responsible for what we create and sure we can put people in place to support us and help us.

But at the end of the day, we're still responsible. And yes, the partnership, we want something from that partnership, that insight, right? Or support, or whatever it might be. But unless that person is working full time in your company, and they have a [00:32:00] really specific role to get a really specific result, right?

For example, if you hired somebody to do sales calls for you, right? Like, There's a very measurable role there, right? But if you're hiring a coach who's giving you insight and input and teaching you something, right, that you're learning something, they can't run your business for you. And so it's, it's, we have to stop giving people that responsibility, blaming people for it, because blame just creates opposition.

And to me, if I'm hiring anybody, and I've got anyone on my team, they're on my team. And in order for a partnership to thrive, truly, truly thrive, you've got to be on the same team. And if you're not on the same team, and you're just blaming people, and it's an us versus them, you did this, you said that.

That [00:33:00] starts to fracture a partnership very quickly, and you can see it in relationships, right? In marriages, in love partnerships, right? This tit for tat, this I did this, and you never do this, and yeah, you suck, and all the things. a relationship will fall apart very, very quickly. Um, when that is the energy in which we're infusing in that relationship.

Now, I'm not saying that every relationship is meant to last forever and all the things, but I think there are ways in which we communicate that really fracture any partnership. And so, This is about being in partnership and being in relationship. And if you want to get the best out of your partnerships and your relationships, then knowing how to, one, get really clear on what's yours and what isn't, but also knowing how to really constructively communicate.

And, and what that actually looks like for you. And anytime we make it personal, anytime we make it about the person, anytime we're judging their character in any way, shape, or form, [00:34:00] anytime there's a right or a wrong, there's somebody who's going to win and somebody who's going to lose, everybody loses in that because the partnership will just fall apart and it doesn't work.

So, thank you With that, I hope you have a fab day. And if you enjoy this episode, please reach out to me on Instagram at creativelyowned. I love hearing from you. Cheers. Thanks for listening. We'll see you right back here next time. You can also find us on social media at creativelyowned and online at creativelyowned.

com. Until next time, keep showing up as your authentic self.